“But you fell in love with him?”
“Trust me, it’s hard not to fall in love with a man like him,” she says. “He’s just so…”
“Sure of himself?” I offer.
She snaps her fingers and nods. “That’s exactly it. I’ve always felt like I was flailing, you know? Like half the time, I don’t even know myself. He just made me feel like he was the one thing in life I could count on. He was the constant.”
“The constant. That sounds familiar.” We exchange a sad smile. “Guess we’re both in the same boat, huh?”
“Apparently,” she says with a tired sigh. “I dunno about you, but I’m sick of it.”
“What about the guy you’re seeing?” I ask.
“What guy?”
“The one you told me about, you clown,” I remind her with a laugh. “But I guess the fact that you need to be reminded doesn’t bode well for him.”
She gives me a half-hearted laugh. “You’re right about that. It was never going to be anything.”
“Because of you?” I ask pointedly. “Or because of him?”
“Both?”
“Sounds like a question.”
She bites her lip and sighs. “Because of me. Final answer.”
“Because you’re not letting yourself move on.”
She raises an eyebrow. “You make it sound like I have control over my feelings.”
“Well, it has been a while and—”
“What about you and Chris?” she asks.
I stare at her, perplexed. “Chris?”
“It’s obvious the two of you are meant to be,” she says. “And yet you wasted your time running after a man that you couldn’t possibly have.”
“I… that… Chris and I are friends,” I insist. “Best friends, in fact.”
“Right. And best friends never hook up? If that’s the case, a lot of romance novel authors are going to be out of a job all of the sudden.”
“I’m not saying it never happens—I’m just saying it’s not happening for us.”
“If Anton hadn’t been in the picture, would you have considered it with Chris?”
I stumble over my tongue. Because the honest truth is I can’t possibly tell what I might have done if I’d never met Anton. I can’t see my future anymore. I can’t see alternate realities, either.
All I see is him.
“You sabotaged your own life, Jessa,” Freya says gently. “Just like I did. Sometimes, I think I’m still doing it.”
I shake my head. “I love Chris. I do. But I don’t think I could ever be with him, like, romantically.”
“Really? Even though he’s the first person you call when shit hits the fan?”
“That’s because—”