38
JESSA
I sit here in my bedroom—in our bedroom—running through all the different scenarios in my head and checking a clock repeatedly like my thoughts alone can control time and outcomes.
Have they arrived at Marina’s location yet?
Have they found Chris?
Is he okay?
Is Anton okay?
I don’t even for a moment entertain the thought that Anton might lose. He can’t lose. The world might as well end if Anton loses. Because it would be the end for me. The end for our baby.
Marina wouldn’t let me go, even if I did try to run. She’d follow me, hunt me down until she could kill me herself.
A shiver races down my spine, and I remind myself that Yulian is watching me. He’ll protect me, but I just don’t have the same confidence in him that I do in Anton.
There’s something about Anton that calms me down. I can’t look at him and not feel safe. Whole. Happy.
It’s weird to think that I’ve arrived at this place. Especially considering how our first meeting ended. Just the thought of him made me fear for my life. Now, it feels like he’s the whole point of my life.
A sound right outside my door makes me freeze. I stare at the door, waiting for something. I’m not sure what. When it doesn’t come, I groan.
“Calm down, you crazy bitch,” I mutter to myself. “The next few hours will be unbearable if you don’t calm down. Relax.”
But I might as well be talking to a brick wall for how well I listen to my own good advice. Anxiety and fear are warring for domination inside of me.
When the feeling doesn’t subside, I decide to go and find Yulian. He may not be able to reassure me, but he can at least distract me. But when I try to open the door, I realize it’s been locked.
From the outside.
Feeling the anxiety grow, I grab my phone and open up a new text thread with Yulian. Yulian? What’s going on? My door is locked.
He responds immediately. Stay calm okay?
ME:What do you mean stay calm? What’s going on?
YULIAN: We’ve noticed someone trying to breach the walls on the south side of the estate. I’ve got the men down here with me. We’re checking it out now.
ME: So… I’m here alone?
YULIAN: Of course not. The men are standing guard outside your door. But I wanted to lock you in just to be safe. If anything happens, call me. I’m literally a minute away.
ME: Who’s trying to breach the south side?
ME:Yulian, who is it?
ME:Yulian?
Nothing.
Something about this doesn’t feel right. I’ve learned over the last few months that I can’t trust my instincts, but that doesn’t stop them from blazing to life now. Nothing feels right about this. Anton just left and now, we have someone trying to breach the estate?
Someone.As if we don’t know exactly who it is.
“It’s a distraction,” I whisper to myself.