“Is there a place we can sit?” I ask feebly.
“There’s a bench right here,” Freya says, pointing behind us. “Jessa, are you okay? You look pale all of the sudden.”
“I’ll be fine,” I say quickly. “This pregnancy is just really taking it out of me.”
I turn and sit down on the bench. Only when I look up do I realize that Freya is staring at me with wide eyes and a jaw hanging to the floor.
She closes her mouth and then opens it again. “Pregnancy?”
Oh fuck. How have I gone this long without telling her about the baby? “Oh God, I’m sorry. I meant to tell you. I thought I had… but that was Chris.”
“You’re pregnant?”
I nod. “I found out the same day that I discovered the truth about Anton.”
She flinches. “And he’s the father?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus,” she breathes. “Joseph and Mary, too.”
“I know, that was pretty much my reaction.”
She tosses her head from side to side, as if to make this new revelation sit right in her brain. “When—what—how did you find out?”
“Ironically, Anton was the one who told me. I passed out after—well, I just passed out. And when I woke up, there was this doctor examining me. He asked me when my last period was, and I still didn’t connect the dots. Not until Anton entered and dropped the bomb on me.”
“He knew before you did?”
“Yes.”
“And how did he seem?” she asks.
“He seemed…”
The memory flashes in my mind. The way he had looked at me. Like I was important. Like I mattered—not just in a general sense and not just because of what I was carrying inside of me, but because of who I was. Who I was to him, in particular.
“Happy,” I finish. “He seemed really happy.”
“So he actually wants this baby?”
I frown at the sour expression on her face. “Anton has done a lot of shitty things, but not wanting to be a father isn’t one of them. What’s with that look?”
“Because, Jessa,” she says, her tone harsher than I’ve ever heard it, “if he wants this child, he’s not just going to forget about you. He’s going to hunt you down.”
Hunt. The word feels aggressive and intimidating and jarring. And also wrong, somehow. Once again, I have to resist the urge to defend Anton.
“Which is exactly why I can’t stay here long,” I tell her instead of cracking open that particular can of worms. “I don’t want you getting in the middle of this.”
Far from mollified, she’s starting to look pissed off. “I’m not letting you deal with him alone, Jessa. We’re in this together now.”
“Why do you care so much?” I ask, both touched and curious.
“Because you’re me. I feel like I’ve been in your exact position before. And I wish I’d had someone in my life who was willing to get in the trenches with me.” She kneels down in front of me and takes my hand in hers. “I went through some dark times, Jessa,” she says softly. “And there has to be something good to come out of my darkest moments. I think this is it. I went through all that so I could help you.”
“You really believe that?” I ask, slightly in awe of this woman. She’s so strong, so fierce. She makes me feel capable.
“I have to,” she says with a sad smile. “For the sake of my mental health, if nothing else. So just let me help you.”