27
ANTON
Lev paces back and forth. I’ve never seen him look so agitated. If I were the type to worry, I’d be knee deep in doubts right now.
“She’s getting bolder,” he spits in disgust. “I should have been there with you.”
“There’s nothing you or anyone could have done. And she isn’t any bolder. She was always a ballsy bitch with no regard for other people’s lives. The only difference between then and now is motivation.”
“You think she’ll make another attempt?” Lev asks, stopping his pacing long enough to look at me.
“She’s going to keep trying until she gets it right.”
Lev groans. “She got too fucking close today.”
“We would have been inside if it weren’t for Jessa’s nausea.”
“Your baby saved you,” Lev says. “It’s almost poetic.”
“Getting soft in your old age, Lev?”
“Getting tired,” he corrects.
“Yeah, you and me both.”
He drops into the armchair opposite me. “We’ll get her, Anton.”
“I know we will,” I say, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. “It’s just a matter of when.”
“The woman certainly knows how to hold a grudge. This could go on forever if we don’t stop it.”
“This is my fault,” I growl. “I should have killed her the day she crashed my meeting. I had her on the table, my hands wrapped around her neck. I should have choked the life out of her.”
“She was pregnant.”
I can feel the ripple of guilt, but I push past it. “Then I should have contained her in a room. Locked her in there until she carried the baby to term.”
Lev raises his eyebrows. “You’re telling me you would have killed her the moment she gave birth?”
“I’m saying I could have. Women die having babies,” I point out. “I could have concocted a story that would have made sense to Rodion. He would have believed me.”
“Would he, though?” Lev questions. “He knew how bad your relationship was.”
“You know what? At this point, I don’t fucking care. Even if killing her had incited a war with the Ivanovs, it would have been worth it.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do, actually,” I say, standing up. “Being rid of her and making sure Jessa is safe would have been worth it.”
“That’s your fear talking.”
“What do I have to be scared about?” I demand, turning on Lev.
He stays glacially cool. “Because for the first time in your life, you have something to lose.”
I think about Jessa and the child she’s carrying. She’s sleeping upstairs in my bed and it was still hard for me to walk away and come down to this meeting. I want to be with her all the time. I want to watch over her, protect her.
Because anything can fucking happen. Anyone can betray you.