“No?” Chris asks, his expression hard. “Being a murderer isn’t enough to make someone an asshole now? You simply must give me your newly revised rulebook to being a good person.”
I don’t like this Chris. The hard-faced, steely-toned man whose mouth turns down at the ends. I barely recognize him like this.
“We’ve been best friends for forever, Chris,” I say softly. “I never suspected that you wanted more.”
“And now?”
“Now?” I ask, truly baffled by the question.
“You know how I feel now,” he says. “What do you have to say about it?”
“Chris,” I say as carefully as I can, “you realize that I’m carrying another man’s baby, right?”
“I told you once before and I’ll say it again: I will help you raise the baby. And I’ll treat the child as if he or she were my own.”
I believe him. I really do.
But it doesn’t make a difference.
“I know you would, Chris. But I… I love Anton. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s how I feel. It’s the truth.”
“The truth can change,” he says quickly.
“This one won’t.”
“How can you be sure?” he asks.
“Because… I’ve never felt this way before, Chris. I thought I loved Dane. But it wasn’t anything like what I feel for Anton. It wasn’t as strong or as fierce.”
He cringes. I know this can’t be easy for him to hear, and that breaks my heart.
“Chris,” I say gently. “I love you to death. You will always be my friend.”
“Would this conversation have gone differently if he weren’t in the picture?” he asks.
I frown. “I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think so.”
The pain on his face is unmistakable. “You really wouldn’t have even given me a chance?”
“I’ve always loved you as a friend, Chris. I’m sure if I had been capable of more, it would have happened before now.”
I don’t know any other way to make myself clearer. Chris looks away from me for a moment, and I give him space, even though all I want to do is reach out and take his hand.
“What if I say it doesn’t matter?” he asks suddenly.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what if I say I don’t care that you don’t have feelings for me? Leave him and let me take care of you instead.”
“Chris, you’re not making sense.”
“He’s dangerous, Jessa,” he repeats again. “He’s not the right man for you. Even if he was half-decent, his lifestyle isn’t. Is that what you want for yourself and your child? I may not be as powerful or as exciting or as good-looking—”
“Chris, that has nothing to do with—”
“But I will give you the life you wanted before all this. I can give you safety and security. We can get a house just outside the city, near a good school district. You can try and start a restaurant or a café somewhere close. You don’t have to love me that way… but I can still give you the quiet family life you’ve always wanted.”
“What if I don’t want that anymore?”