“Darling,” Mom jumps in, her tone rife with a strange combination of desperation and hope, “don’t you see? This was meant to be.”
“What?” I yell.
“What?” my dad yells.
“You and Dane. You’re clearly meant to be together. Why else would God have blessed you with a child?” she says as if the answer is self-evident. “It’s important that you get married. Does he know? I’m sure if he knew he would insist that you get married. Darling, he was so devastated when you ran out on the wedding. I understand he did the wrong thing, but men are—well, they can be—”
“Stop!”
She falls silent immediately, and I feel a surge of satisfaction. It was something like Anton’s voice that came out of my mouth, powerful, automatically expecting compliance and fealty. “Mom, Dad… Dane is not the father of my baby.”
More silence. This one is worse than the last, leaking dread like motor oil.
“I… I don’t understand,” Mom says shakily.
“I’m having another man’s baby,” I say. “His name is Anton. He’s a successful… businessman. He’s the father.”
“When did you meet him?” Dad asks in that quiet voice he uses when he can’t quite process what’s happening.
“Um… shortly after the almost-wedding.”
“How shortly after?”
“Later that night."
I don’t know why I’m telling them the truth. It just seems easier that way. Less messy.
“You… you left your wedding to your fiancé and met a strange man and slept with him shortly after?” Mom asks with growing horror.
I feel my whole body flood with anger. “You two realize that Dane was the one who fucked up, right? Why are you making me feel guilty for moving on?”
“Language, Jessa,” Dad says sternly.
“‘Language’ can get fucked right now, Dad!” I cry out. “You’re seriously worried about my language?!”
“We’re worried about you!” my mother corrects, her tone rising a few octaves to a shrill teapot whistle. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, Jessa. But you need help. We did not raise you to be this way.”
A cold anger sweeps over my skin. “Excuse me?”
“Your behavior is becoming more and more reckless. Your father told me we should just give you some space. That eventually you would come around and see sense. But I see now that that was a mistake.”
“Your mother’s right,” Dad says in the same stern tone. “Who is this man whose baby you’re having? What do you know about him?”
“A hell of a lot more than I did about Dane, apparently.”
“Dane was a respectable young man,” Mom says. “He was a flawed human being. So are we all.”
“So everyone else’s flaws are fine, but I fucked up and I should fix things? I should take the hit? No. Screw that. All I hear is the two of you making excuses for Dane, but none for me.”
“Jessa, we thought you were smarter than this,” Mom says as if she hasn’t even heard me. “To get pregnant by some, some… stranger, it’s… it’s…” She trails off like the words to describe this horror haven’t been invented yet.
“Does it even matter to you that I love him?"
The words burst from my lips and it strikes me what I’ve just said only afterI’ve said it. I’m glad my parents aren’t here to see just how flaming red my cheeks are.
Actually, strike that. I’d be happy to let them see just how embarrassed I am right now—so long as Anton never knows.
“You… love this man?” Mom asks tremulously.