“I know I’ve been irresponsible—”
He shuts me up by taking my hand and pulling me right into his arms. He holds me so tight that it forces tears to my eyes.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” he says. I can hear how choked up he is.
“Oh, Chris…”
“It’s okay,” he says. “I know you have to go. It’s the right decision.”
Hearing him say that makes me feel both better and worse. I cling to him, wondering when I’ll be able to see him again.
“I’m going to England,” I tell him when he finally lets me go.
“England?”
I nod. “With Freya. She wanted to make a trip back home, and this way, I won’t be totally alone. At least, not in the beginning.”
“Well, then… I’m glad.”
“Even though you don’t like her much?”
He sighs and gives me an embarrassed smile. “I was unfair about Freya. And I’ll admit, my dislike for her came from a childish place. I didn’t really want to share you. Not when we’d just renewed our friendship.”
“I never saw it that way—”
“I know you didn’t. Because you’re a mature and loving person,” he says with a forced laugh. “I was just being stupid. She seems to really care about you and that’s all that matters.”
“She’s been through something similar. She can relate to what I’m going through.”
He just nods. “Like I said, I’m glad you won’t be alone.”
I take his hand and give it a squeeze. “You’re still my best friend, you know? You always will be.”
“That’s what you say now.”
“It’s what I’ll say always,” I say firmly. “You mean the world to me, Chris. And I hate that I won’t see you when I want to.”
“I know. Me, too.”
“I’ll keep in touch though,” I promise him. “I’ll find a way.”
“Just be safe. And keep that baby safe, too.”
I grin sheepishly. “You never even asked if I wanted to keep it.”
“Didn’t have to. I knew you would.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says with a sad smile. “You’ve got too big of a heart to ever get rid of something that belongs to you. And this baby belongs to you, Jess. Remember that, okay?”
I know what he’s telling me: my baby may have a murderer for a father, but it’s got me as a mother first and foremost. That trumps everything else.
“You always know what to say. Even the things I don’t know I’m worried about yet.”
“I’m your best friend, remember?”
“I remember,” I say. “I’ll always remember.”