“She must have had some redeeming qualities,” Jessa suggests quietly. “You did marry her, after all.”
“I didn’t marry her for any of her personal qualities. She was a good option.”
“Jesus, that’s harsh,” Jessa mumbles. “No wonder you had a bad marriage.” I glance at her and she looks away quickly. “Sorry, I’m just saying. It doesn’t really help a relationship to hear stuff like that. Especially if she… cared about you.”
“She didn’t.”
“What makes you say that?”
I shrug. “The secrets she hid. The fights she picked. It was like she wanted the marriage to fail.”
“And what about you?” Jessa asks. “What did you want?”
I weigh my answer for a while. “I wanted the marriage to endure,” I say at last.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I expected to stay married to her, at least legally.”
“But you wanted to live separate lives?” Jessa asks, eyebrows raised.
“It sounds ugly when you put it like that.”
“I’m guessing it would sound ugly any which way. I’m not surprised she was miserable.”
I glare at her. “Are you her spokeswoman?”
She gives me a small smile. “I can’t speak for your wife, but I think I know what most women want at the end of the day.”
“Which is what?”
“To be seen,” she replies quietly. “To be heard. To be valued.”
I fall silent, but she continues to observe me. I can tell her interest is piqued. She wants to know more about my marriage to Marina, but she is too uncomfortable to ask outright.
“Despite everything that happened with Dane, I think I’ll still want to get married one day,” she says. “Do you feel the same way after Marina?”
“Marriage is not high on my priority list,” I tell her honestly. “Does that disappoint you?”
“Why should it?” she snaps.
I suppress a smile and keep my eyes on the road. She looks pointedly out of her window, pretending to watch the scenery as we drive. Neither of us says a word the rest of the way.
Five minutes later, I come to a stop outside of her building. The streetlights are on and they cast a ghostly pallor over the rest of the street.
Jessa twists her body towards me and gives me an awkward smile. “Thanks for the lift.”
I nod. “My pleasure.”
She hesitates, unsure how to say goodbye to me, considering we just fucked barely an hour ago.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says. “Um, I mean… maybe. Not that I expect to see you or anything. Though, I will be cooking for you, so I just assumed I will be… seeing you, I mean.”
She stops talking and turns an adorably endearing shade of pink.
“Sorry,” she murmurs when I don’t say anything.
“Go in and get some rest, Jessa,” I say. I hesitate before I add, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”