‘No.’
I’m lying though, of course I wonder. How could I not?
What he did, what they said he did, has haunted me for so long I can’t remember what it’s like not to feel as though I’m suffocating, not to have to remind myself to breathe.
Even now, a part of me thinks one day I’ll wake up and find it’s all been a bad dream. That my hero’s name has been cleared. That he didn’t hurt those women, slaughter a girl who still slept with a teddy.
I followed the trial every day in the papers, have read and watched everything about the case since. I’ve seen the photos, read the crime scene reports. But as long as he protests his innocence, I’ll always wonder: Did they convict the wrong man? Did I make a terrible mistake? Was my childhood a lie? Or is the lie the story I’ve told myself?
‘He wrote me, you know. After his conviction. A love letter. Poured out his soul. Begged me to believe in him, in what we had. Told me he was embracing his spiritual side. He’d taken up meditation, he said. Was getting involved with the prison charities. Even counselling some of the inmates struggling with depression.’
You’d have lapped that up, wouldn’t you? I think. Matty turning over a new leaf, you prompting it. Proclaiming his undying love for you.
‘Bill said he asked him to read it over. That he wanted to get the words just right.’
Why dupe one person when you can dupe two?
Her tone changes, a balloon deflating.
‘I never wrote back. He must have been so upset.’
‘Good.’
My voice has hardened, varnish on rotten wood. A façade. The slightest poke and I turn to sawdust.
‘Will you go?’ she asks. ‘To visit him?’
For a long time, I don’t answer. She waits, pulls at her drink. I dig my nails into the scab on my wrist, hard enough to draw blood.
‘I’m scared,’ I tell her finally.
‘I know,’ she whispers.
But she can’t. Not without understanding what I did.
From the blog True Crime Files
Why do serial killers so often feel the need to issue press statements after their convictions? Showboating? Getting the last word? Their insatiable egos?
Matty Melgren’s post-sentencing statement is eerily reminiscent of Ken Benito’s (the San Francisco Strangler) who was arrested ten years after Melgren was sent down.
This has led some to speculate whether Benito’s crime spree was inspired by Melgren, who famously asphyxiated his victims with their own underwear, leaving the ligature tied in a bow around their necks.
If so, he’s not the only person to hero-worship Melgren, who receives fan mail, money, and even saucy snaps from female admirers who appear to be turned on rather than off by his gruesome attacks.
Matty’s statement (read out by his lawyer):
A terrible miscarriage of justice has taken place here today. I am innocent of these murders which have rocked the world and caused women everywhere to fear going out alone.
If anybody is guilty of a crime it is the police who have fabricated a case against me based on deception and phoney evidence. Nothing has been proved, least of all my guilt.
The sentence I’ve received belongs to someone else. I hope with all my heart he is found soon and brought to account, not just for my sake, but for the victims’ families too. They deserve to know what really happened to their loved ones.
As do I.
Whatever the motivation behind Melgren’s statement, plenty of people are still wondering if he was telling the truth. And whether the real killer is still out there. . .