He smirked then, and I was reminded of the first time I’d seen him smirk. A part of me had fallen then. “How could I not? That’s the better question.”
Shaking my head, I tried to back away. That wasn’t an answer. He was dodging it. There was no way he knew all he said he did and still loved me. His hands tightened on my arms but not painfully.
“Because you captured me. You’re real. There is nothing fake about you. What most women hide you flaunt to the world. You don’t hide your ugly side; you showcase it. The problem is that most people are so unprepared to see that reality that they miss the beauty you also don’t hide. Its there, but you don’t flaunt it. You don’t pretend to want something or to be OK with something when you’re not. You don’t hide your pain; you lash out and hurt others equally.” He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “You are real, Nan. More real than any person I’ve ever met. So when I say I love you, know that I do. I love it all.”
The emotion that hit me in the chest was too much. When I pulled free of his hold, he let me. When I turned and ran away . . . he let me.
Cope
When she opened the front door, she paused. I expected that. I also expected a fight. After letting her run away last week, then staying out of her sight for seven days, she was beyond annoyed with me. I could see it in her posture and the way she interacted with others.
Knowing that she was in that house dealing with morning sickness was hard. I wanted to be there, but I wasn’t forcing myself inside that door. She would open it and let me in. Eventually.
Today was her doctor’s appointment to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I knew that just like I knew she didn’t sleep well at night but took several naps during the day lately. She no longer could stomach orange juice, and the smell of eggs sent her to the toilet to vomit. She drank ginger ale in the mornings, along with a handful of ginger snaps. That was all she could keep down until after lunch, normally around two, when she would go to the country club and order a cheeseburger with fries. Which she would immediately feel guilty for, so she’d go running on the beach afterward.
All I did was stay close. Make sure she was safe and handling things without help. I was waiting in the wings, hoping she’d call me. But she was stubborn. One of the many things I loved about her crazy ass.
“What do you want?” she snapped at me as she walked down the stairs and headed toward her car, not me.
“I’m going to hear our baby’s heartbeat with you,” I replied, moving to follow her toward her ridiculously expensive car.
“How did you know about that?” She spun around, her eyes flaring with anger and attraction. She tried to hide it, but it was there.
“Because I care.” I reached down and took the keys from her hand. “I’ll drive. You’re a terrible driver.” I knew that would piss her off, but I liked annoying the hell out of her.
“I am not! This is my car, and I’ll drive it!” She stomped her foot for emphasis.
I took a step toward her and held her haughty glare. “Get in the fucking car. I’m driving.” I didn’t leave room for argument, and as I’d expected, she backed down from my tone, and her shoulders eased from their tense, uptight position.
“Fine,” she muttered, then turned to get into the passenger seat.
I waited until I was turned around to grin. I doubted she’d like my amusement just now. Climbing into her small excuse for a vehicle, I glanced over at her. “You’re going to need a larger and safer vehicle for the baby.”
She sighed. “I know that. Why are you doing this?”
Change of subject. “I told you that seven days and five hours and twenty-two minutes ago. Don’t tell me you forgot already.”
Nan made another sigh of frustration. “Yes, you did. But you’ve been gone since then, so I assumed you’d changed your mind. And did you really just give me the exact amount of time it’s been since you said that?”
Changed my mind about loving her? Did she think so little of love? Her damage was deep. I had to be careful with that. “Yes, I did. Twenty-three minutes now.”
She was watching me as I pulled out of her drive and onto the street leading out of town and toward Destin, where I knew her doctors office was. I didn’t look at her. I let it soak in. The fact that I was here. The fact that she was about to realize I knew where we were going and I wasn’t asking her for directions. The fact that I loved her and I wasn’t going anywhere. Even when she ran from me.
“Are you mentally stable?” was her next question. This one made me laugh.
“Probably not,” I replied with complete honesty.
“I didn’t think so.”
Again, I laughed. Something I hadn’t done in a very long time. Nan brought a lot into my world. Including a reason to laugh. Something I’d had very little of in my life.
“I don’t know what to do with you. I thought I loved Gannon, but he doesn’t exist. It was a role you were playing. I don’t know you. We’re having a child together, and I may not like you at all. I may hate you.” Her honesty was part of her charm that people couldn’t handle.
“The man you knew is the me that no one has ever gotten but you. It was real. I didn’t pretend to be anyone other than myself. I gave you the man I’ve never given anyone. I trusted you with me. Like I knew we would, we clicked. Locked into place like two lost pieces waiting for their match.”
She didn’t respond to that. We drove on in silence for a while.