I stood at the curb shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as I stared at the house I’d grown up in. My mom was home already. I let her know I was coming, and I was ready to talk like twoadults.That was the most important word. I needed her to see me as an adult and respect me as one, too. Or things were just going to have the same result.
I knew there was a story, and I wanted to hear it.
I deserved to hear it.
There was a hard tap on my ass, and in my daze, I jumped before looking over my shoulder and glaring at Ham. “Just go. You wanna be treated like you’re older, you gotta grow some balls, babe, and show them you can handle whatever they have to say.”
He was right, but it was still like a kick in the gut.
I’d purposely asked Ham to drop me off needing to show my mom I was capable of making my own choices, and he was one of them—that was non-negotiable. We hadn’t discussed what was going on between us, but we both knew we were done skirting around the chemistry which had been sizzling between us for the past year.
I’d spent four days hiding in the clubhouse spending time with Ham and the others. It was kind of nice to be in a place with so many people, who I was now beginning to consider family. It had been just Mom, Denver, and me for a long time with the exception of Uncle Leo popping in occasionally.
Now I had the clubhouse, the brothers, the old ladies, the kids—it was freaking crazy, but a good kind of crazy, one that I found I kind of loved. Each one of them had different personalities. They had different things that made them unique, and even though they could be rough and boisterous, I would take that over the deafening silence of home any day. The more I thought about it, the more stepping inside the house I grew up in felt like I was stepping into a straitjacket and padded room. I’d had a taste of freedom and excitement, and now I just wanted to fly. I didn’t want to be trapped back in that cage.
Taking a deep breath, I forced one foot in front of the other and walked up the path. Trying to calm my breathing, I reminded myself this was my opportunity to prove to her I was older, more mature, and that I was ready to take on anything she had to tell me.
I wasn’t going to write her off. After talking with some of the girls, they reminded me there would be times when I would still need my mom. Times when I would feel like the world is crumbling down around me. Times where everything was going wrong, and I would still feel like she was the safest place on earth. I just needed to stand my ground.
Pushing open the front door, I heard Ham’s bike roar to life behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and he nodded in support before revving the engine and pulling away from the curb.
Ham gave me strength.
It was hard to explain, but the way he’d always stood beside me, always been the first to come and rescue me when I needed someone, it made me feel comfort and reassurance. While he was encouraging me to stand up for myself, I knew he’d be right there behind me if things didn’t go to plan. And I desperately needed that, because as I stepped inside the house, I was suddenly not so sure I was going to be able to say everything I needed to say.
Walking lightly through the foyer, I could see my mom with her back to me sitting at the kitchen counter. The way she was breathing seemed different, almost abnormal. My mom was often rather confident, bordering on being a complete bitch. Owning her own private and commercial cleaning business, she’d worked her ass off to build from the bottom to where she was now, even having several teams of people she’d employed working under her.
Mom was a hard woman, she had her views, and she didn’t sway from them often. She was overprotective and could be a little judgmental, but she was my mom.
When she cuddled me if I was scared, she made me feel special and safe. She never let me or my brother go without even if that meant giving up something she wanted. Pushing me to achieve the things in life that I dreamed of, she stood strong. And all in all, she did it on her own.
“Mom?”
Her body jumped at the sound of my voice, and she spun around, her hand pressed to her heart. With my brows pulled together, I moved further into the kitchen and into the light.
“Geez, Meyah, I almost died,” she scolded with a narrowed gaze. “Don’t sneak around like that.”
I licked my dry lips, my churning stomach doing nothing to help with the flood of emotions I was feeling right at that moment. Fortunately, she’d had a lot more practice at this than I had. She stood up and held her arms out to me. I didn’t even think twice rushing forward and burying my face in her neck, inhaling her smell.
“I am sorry,” she whispered, holding my body tightly and pressing her lips to my hair.
“I know, Mom,” I reassured her, linking my fingers together behind her back. “I’m sorry, too. I pushed too hard.”
She shook her head leaning back so that she could see my eyes. “No. You were right.” She inhaled deeply through her nose before releasing the air back out of her mouth. “Hearing what Nick had done and knowing that wasn’t the first time he’d said things, or touched you without your permission, it was like a slap on the face. Then everything else on top of that…” A shudder ran through her entire body, surprising me.
“Mom…”
She shook her head, silencing me. “I should have given you the skills a long time ago to handle these things. I should have never let you think you ever had to cower away from a man and not stand up for yourself.” She squeezed my hands tightly, her eyes sparkling with something so fierce and beautiful.
I grinned, a smile beaming on my face knowing she was finally getting it. My mom was finally hearing me.
Ham had been right—go figure.
I needed to talk to her. If something had happened before we’d had the chance to have this conversation, I would have spent forever regretting it.
She released me, and I pulled back finally noticing the shoe box on the kitchen counter and the mess spread around it.
“God, Mom, when did you become a hoarder?”