This man was almost the same age as my own father.
Young women were always given to older men, they were meant to take over our father’s job of turning us into a respectful lady. You belonged to your father until you belonged to your husband.
In my case, had I been offered into the life of a man my age. A man who I could see myself growing old with, who looked at me as if I was important and not just another tick on his sheet to get him through the pearly gates. Maybe I would have found some kind of escape from the hell I endured under my father’s roof.
With that thought, I reached up and lightly touched my cheek, the area still tender and slowly beginning to yellow as the bruise faded. It matched the ones my father had given me hours after he hit me across the face.
Those were for disobeying him and making him look like a fool to the progression.
The Colony did not believe in makeup on any normal day, only for days like weddings where we were expected to look our most beautiful for our husbands. For the last week, I’d worn my bruises as a walking advertisement for what happened when we argued with our elders’ decisions.
“You still look pretty,” Emerald whispered, her eyes darting to the door where I knew our mothers and women from the Colony were in the large kitchen, beginning to prepare a feast for the five marriages that were to happen the following day. “I just can’t believe you’re getting married.”
I didn’t let the words fall from my lips. Scared because if I said them out loud, someone would most definitely hear them and try to stop me.
Because there would only be one of two things happening tomorrow.
I would be far away from this place, hiding and making plans for a new life.
Or…
I would be dead.
There was no way I was getting married to that man, and if it meant going to hell, then so be it.
I palmed my chest, rubbing away the ache I felt inside.
I guess you could say I was one of the lucky ones.
My grandmother was seen as the Colony crazy lady. An example of how the world outside tainted the soul, given that she wasn’t born and raised inside those walls and had stories of the outside. The only reason she was there was because my father was her only living relative and only child. If she didn’t join, she would have been alone, and she would have missed out on the lives of all her grandchildren.
She sacrificed her sanity to be with us.
My grandmother taught me about history and fueled my love of science. When she died, I took whatever I could get my hands on before the elders destroyed it, which mostly consisted of hidden books, newspapers and her own personal diary, making sure that I held onto them and didn’t let my father know I had them.
If he’d known, he would have burned them, destroyed them, and then punished me for thinking differently than the way in which we’d been taught.
With my grandmother passing away a few months before the letter came announcing my engagement, there was nothing left for me at the Colony other than my brothers and sisters, who I knew were not ready to believe what I had to say.
So I ran.
I left that world behind, knowing I might never see my brothers and sisters again. And if I made it out, I would be classed as dead to them, cast out never to speak with my family again.
It was dangerous and scary, but I knew if I didn’t do it that my soul would slowly be suffocated, and those people inside the Colony would try to break me down and drown me in their teachings until I had no fire left inside and succumbed.
So I fought my way out.
I fought for this life I had now, one where I was able to make my own choices and had people behind me who would help me stand when I felt weak.
This was my family now, and I couldn’t wait to show Emerald just how beautiful the world could be when you were free.