I stood with my back against the door, tears trickling down my cheeks. I’d never wanted anything more than what I had, I loved every single member of this club. I loved how they were a little scary, a little crazy, but that everything they did was with passion and their hearts were always in the right place. They rode hard, they loved even harder.
I’d always been happy to be a part of something so amazing, and appreciative of what these men had done for me, but there was something stirring in my gut that was telling me that maybe my time at the club had come to an end. I promised myself that I would always focus on what was important, the things which would give me a future, but as I stared at my bed covered in books, I knew that had begun to slip. My grades had been suffering the past few weeks with all my focus being on Emerald, and working as many hours as possible at the store. Not to mention a certain brother who had stolen my time recently. The same one who right now I wanted to tell to go and take a flying fucking leap off the top of a cliff, and at the same time leap off the edge after him.
He’d just made it glaringly apparent that I was second class.
I knew that in a few weeks, I would be walking away from these people who had come to mean so fucking much to me, so I could support my little sister and give her a better life and future that neither of us had imagined possible when we were little.
But it wasn’t just that though. I was confused about my feelings for Eagle, how intense they were growing and how I was beginning to resent my position in the club.
I couldn’t stay here and hope to make it through the next month or more, always on edge about whether there would be another brother knock on my door that wasn’t him. That feeling was twisting my stomach, it made me want to throw up because just the idea was already making me feel like I was betraying him, it didn’t even matter that I felt like he’d done just that to me.
I groaned loudly, grabbing my sneakers before sitting down at the edge and pulling them on. I reached for the duffle bag in the bottom of my closet and began filling it up with whatever I could find.
How does one fall for someone so easily?
Just a few weeks and I found myself doing the one thing I promised myself years ago when I joined the club that I would never do.
There was a hard knock on the door.
“Go away!” I called out, my voice cracking as I slipped my hands through the soft cotton sleeves of my sweatshirt and zipped it up to my neck.
The door pushed open, and Eagle stepped inside, softly closing it behind him.
“Oh right! Yeah, I’m a club girl. I’m not allowed to tell you guys to go away,” I sniped, trying to avoid looking him in the eye. I made a dive for the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
“If this were any other time, I would have happily walked away and left you,” Eagle replied, and I heard him take a seat on the edge of my bed. “But I have an apology to make and some things we need to talk about.”
I just wanted him to leave. I didn’t want him to see me this way, didn’t want to see the look on his face when I told him I was walking away from the club because I’d developed some stupid crush.
I knew how this world worked.
The boys saw something they wanted, they stole it with both hands, they claimed their women without a second thought. God, Kit had claimed Harmony without even telling her, and once Leo got his hands on Hadley, he knew there was no way he was sharing. Yet, I was still a club girl, and no matter how much time he and I spent getting to know each other, sharing not just our bodies but our stories, he still hadn’t decided that he wanted me for himself.
Was there something between Eagle and me?
For me, yes, there was no doubt.
Eagle was sexy, and he was intimidating. He was the quiet one who stood in the corner watching what was going on, unapproachable and dangerous. The difference between him and the other men around us—I’d seen him break.
I can’t explain how in my fucked up mind, seeing a man completely and utterly destroyed was somehow attractive. Maybe it’s that vulnerability, knowing that he’s just like every other person out there, that he has moments where he’s not in control. Growing up around so many men, who on the outside came off as so perfect, so untainted and unbreakable, to see Eagle—who is ten times the man that any of them could ever be, have a moment where he was so damaged—it made my heart skip a beat.
I wasn’t one of those girls who was drawn to men because I thought I could fix them. But I was finding that I was someone who could appreciate and was drawn to imperfections and cracked exteriors.
They were real, they told the truth.
I’d heard his story, I’d felt his pain, and I knew I wanted to be the one who was there when he needed someone to lean on. I knew that I wanted to crack jokes and throw sass as he called it, every single day to make him smile. I wanted to protect him from the people who didn’t understand his PTSD. I wanted him to know I would take him exactly the way he was.
The door flung open, causing me to jump. My hand went to my heart when Eagle appeared in the doorway, his hands on the doorframe, looking at me beneath a thick brow.
“Why are you packing?” he growled.
I tried to steal my spine, swiping at the tears on my cheeks and shoving at his chest in an attempt to make him move. He stepped to the side, and I took the opportunity.
“Sky…” I stormed out of the room, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back toward him, turning our bodies, so my back was pressed against the wall. His eyes flashed in irritation. “Will you just stop for a minute, damn it, and tell me what the hell is going on?”
He braced one hand on the wall beside my head, and the other held me tight, the serious look on his face made me think that running was a bad idea. He took a deep breath, and I squeezed my legs together as I watched him swallow, his beard short enough that I could see the muscles in his throat move and his Adam’s apple bob up and down.
How did I find something like that so fucking erotic? I had no damn idea, but I was suddenly acutely aware of my nipples tightening and the dull throb of my pussy as it begged to be satisfied.