“Everything okay?” I asked Deacon as I watched Eagle enter the diner, the door creaking shut behind him. The man was a mystery to me. I swear I’d never had more than a single word out of him before, but it seemed to me he was warming to my presence.
I knew I could be a little strange, talk a little bit much sometimes and possibly come off as annoying, but I just liked to have fun. I’d spent too long being smothered and judged. So I gave up giving a shit what people thought of me now. I moved my body into different positions as I listened to Deacon rustle around on the other end of the line. The aches were already settling in, my muscles not used to a long ride like this.
As much as I was determined to not rely on the men, I was so goddamn thankful that Eagle had taken my backpack because, at that point, I knew I was just being stubborn, refusing to admit that I thought I could handle it when I couldn’t.
“So I took Emerald to the station with me when I went to check on things,” he told me with a heavy sigh. “I have no idea what happened, but one moment she was fine, then the next she was freaking out.”
I should have stayed.
She needed me.
“She hasn’t come out of her room, but I can hear her reciting something over and over again.” He sounded worried and tired.
I hung my head.
I knew exactly what she was doing. She was asking for forgiveness. Our parents would make us do it when we did something they didn’t like or that they didn’t approve of.
I could still hear the words in my head, words that I hadn’t dared repeat in years.
My eyes drooped and my body sagged with exhaustion. A sharp slap and sting of pain to the back of my legs quickly pulled me from the prospect of blissful sleep.
The words fell from my mouth again, so fluidly now that my brain didn’t even have to tell my lips to move.
“Please forgive me, my soul has been deceived. I ask that you bask me in your light and show me the way back to your gracious holy land.” I took a deep breath, it was getting harder and harder. “Please forgive me…”
It had been hours, the sun was setting now, and I’d been here since lunchtime. My mouth was dry, and my lips cracked as I repeated the words over and over, pleading to be accepted and forgiven for my sins.
In my mind though, I did not care whether my father or our god forgave me, or if he drew me back in and accepted my repentance. This life was brutal, it was painful, and it was one that I couldn’t imagine any god would want us to live.
My eyes were swollen and stinging, the tears I had cried enough to drown the Colony and every damn person in it.
I clenched my teeth, the words I spoke now coming out sharp and sarcastic, but my father didn’t notice as he stared out the window, seeming to be entranced with my constant droning, hypnotized by the words.
He hadn’t said a word since he barraged me with questions as he dragged me away from my brothers and sisters and into this room, his intention to hurt me, not to teach me or help me grow, but now I realized more to beat me into submission.
“When did this hatred for the way you’ve been raised and our teachings become so strong,” he’d asked.
When had I become so defiant and full of sin?
I hadn’t offered him an answer, but I knew.
When I realized it was all one big fucking lie.
“Skylar? I’m kind of out of my depths here,” Deacon said, drawing me away from the memories that made me want to vomit all over the line of pretty motorcycles which I was weaving in and out of as we spoke. His voice was laced with concern, and it was a punch to the gut to hear a man as strong as Deacon, who would quite happily stand toe-to-toe with Optimus any day, be broken down by my teenage sister.
I cleared the emotion that had built up in my throat. “Go and remind her of where she is and tell her she hasn’t done anything wrong,” I explained softly. “She will keep doing that until she’s told not to.”
He sighed heavily like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Okay, good, good.”
A flash of light caught my eye, and I looked up to see a bus coming to a stop across the near desolate road. I squinted as I tried to read the sign beside the small bus stop.
It said that the bus came every hour, and one of the stops listed was Huntsville, the town over from Athens. “Maybe I should just come—”
“No.” Deacon snapped, suddenly sounded less defeated. “I know you want to help her, Sky, but you can’t baby her. She needs to work all this out herself. She knows you’re there, and that is enough. Shewillwork her way through it.”
I screwed up my nose, wanting to argue and debate with him until the sun went down. I wanted to explain to him just how hard I had struggled and for how long, before I finally managed to feel safe and content in this world outside the one we were raised in.
Sometimes people lacked understanding of just what it would be like to be told your whole life that the sun would burn you to death in seconds if you stepped outside, only to realize that when you did, the heat of its warmth was the most amazing thing you’d ever felt in your life.