With many of the brothers now with small families and young children, the clubhouse was pretty quiet, especially tonight with the run starting early tomorrow morning. The brothers wanted to spend time with their kids and women before they took off for the next few days, while others knew that heavy drinking the night before they had to ride out wasn’t exactly the best idea, given the club’s strict policies on drinking and driving.
It was easy to get fueled up on alcohol and think when you woke up in the morning it would have just disappeared from your system because it was a new day. But fortunately, these men weren’t that stupid and had done all the drinking they wanted last night, so they had a full day to recover.
While all the brothers were chilling out and relaxing, Op had given me permission to go and visit with my sister for a few hours, since I wouldn’t be around to see her for the next few days.
I’d been visiting with her every day, but usually during daylight when the club members had other duties and responsibilities.
I was packing my bag with a few things I’d gotten for her including some music, and a couple of movies I knew wouldn’t scare the hell out of her and some snacks because God knows we’d missed out on things like candy and different types of chocolate bars while we were in the Colony.
A soft knock sounded at the door as I went in search of my shoes. “Come in!” I called out as I got to my knees and scanned underneath my bed. “Uh-huh!” I said triumphantly, climbing to my feet with my sneakers in hand.
I was surprised to look over and find Ham—or Shake as the club was now calling him—closing the door behind him. He was patched in a few months ago, earning him the road name which even I felt suited him pretty well, but it was still taking me a while to get used to calling him something different.
I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on one of my shoes and working on the laces, noticing he was still standing by the door awkwardly, not saying anything. “What’s up?” I asked as I grabbed the second shoe.
We’d gotten to know each other pretty well while he was prospecting. I liked to keep myself busy and be as helpful as possible, it made me feel more worthy I guess you could say. Being within the club meant having their protection, and I suppose the thought that one day I would need it was always sitting in the back of my head. So I wanted to know that if trouble came knocking, the club would see me as someone who was important to them, or at least useful enough to fight for.
We were only really required to do some cooking and cleaning occasionally, but I often offered to help Ham man the bar or watch the kids with him. We were around the same age, and he was a cool guy, honest and trustworthy, but also pretty funny.
“Would there be another reason for me to be coming to your room?” he answered sarcastically, causing me to freeze as I pulled tightly on the bow of my shoelace.
I was stunned to silence.
The girls here talked, and it was a known fact that Ham had never used any of them for more than flirting or a little petting.
And we all knew why.
Meyah.
I was never an issue before because prospects weren’t given club girl privileges. I was just another way to test their loyalty, to make sure that the guys who signed up weren’t in it for the pussy and the power.
I cleared my throat and stood up, unsure of where I should look now that someone who I had considered a friend, had put me in a position I never thought I would be in. “I’m kind of… off-duty right now. I was just heading out,” I told him, feeling very uncomfortable.
“Off duty?” he asked, raising his brow like he thought I was an idiot.
I pushed my shoulders back and looked him directly in the eye. “Yes, Op said I could have a few hours tonight to go and see my sister before we leave tomorrow.”
He snorted and turned for the door, his hand reaching out for the handle, but moving extremely slowly. So I decided to play into his game, knowing there was something else going on, but he didn’t have the balls to come out and say it.
“What do you really want, Ham?” I purposely used the name I’d always called him instead of his new road name. “I get that I’m not meant to say no, but of all the girls here, I’m the one who knows the most about your feelings for Meyah. So why come to me?”
We’d talked endlessly about how he felt about Leo’s niece. He wanted her more than anything else, but so far, he’d done a pretty good job of convincing himself he didn’t deserve her.
His hand was frozen on the door handle. “I don’t know,” he answered quietly without turning around.
I shook my head, my annoyance with him dissipating as I began to understand just why he was here. “I think I do,” I said, taking a seat at the edge of the bed again and watching his shoulders slump just slightly. “You knew none of the other girls would say anything. They’d be happy to have you. But you knew I would call you out on it, and you needed someone to tell you that you were being a fucking idiot.”
He took a breath and finally turned to face me, narrowing his eyes. “You aren’t meant to talk to a brother like that.”
I huffed, not caring that he could go to Optimus and tattle on me if he wanted. Knowing that I could get in trouble. “I’m not talking to a brother, I’m talking to my friend,” I said sternly, holding my chin high and daring him to argue with me. “You don’t have to screw the club girls to be a part of the club. It doesn’t make you any less of a man to have your heart set on someone else, and not want to ruin that by being a horny asshole.”
There was pain in his eyes, but he let me talk and say my piece, and I knew he wouldn’t run off and throw me under the bus.
Because I was right.
He’d come here hoping I would make him feel guilty for wanting to be with anyone but the girl he was in love with.
Ham didn’t speak, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed my words and turned around, pulling the door open and slamming it closed behind him, his heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway.