If she was with me, away from the clubhouse, they couldn’t have her. Or use her body.
I clenched my jaw.
What the fuck was I doing?
“Hey, Mom? Can you come help me with this homework?” Denver called from the top of the stairs.
Carly continued to watch me curiously as she wiped her hands on her apron and took it off. “Don’t be an idiot, Leo.”
I didn’t reply, knowing that if I did, things could get ugly quickly. I let her leave, then went in search of the girls, wanting to get out of here as quickly as possible before I really lost my head.
I stopped outside the door to the family room, hearing voices giggle inside.
“We’re studying New Zealand for geography,” I heard Meyah say.
“Oh, I’ve been there, a couple years ago now,” Hadley answered cheerfully. “It really is beautiful.”
“Does it really look like the pictures?” Meyah asked curiously. “My teacher said that it probably doesn’t. They’re just marketing pictures and are always made to look nicer than it is so that people want to visit.”
I smiled at how comfortable their conversation seemed. It made me proud to know that Meyah hadn’t grown up with her mother’s prejudice toward others. I wasn’t sure why Carly was the way she was. She judged quickly and felt like she had to protect the people she loved from some kind of evil lurking outside their doors.
It had only become more intense since Kim died, and I knew Kim wouldn’t have liked seeing her lock herself away to the opportunities and life outside the small bubble she’d created.
“I got my first tattoo in New Zealand,” Hadley said, and my eyes brightened in surprise. I searched my memory, trying to figure out whether I’d seen a tattoo on her body. I thought I’d memorized every part of her, but obviously I’d missed something. My jeans tightened as I thought about discovering her all over again, covering her body and driving her crazy as I went in search for the mysterious tattoo.
“I really want to get a tattoo,” Meyah admitted. I frowned. “I always remember when Uncle Leo would come to visit. All his bright tattoos. They were so vibrant and beautiful...” she cleared her throat and lowered her voice, “…but since Aunt Kim died, they got so dark.”
I looked down at my arm. I had a full sleeve on one side. I’d started in just after I left the military and came home to Kim. There was a jungle at the top, bright flowers and leaves with a tiger bursting through.
Meyah wasn’t wrong. Over the last few years, I’d lost the passion that I once had for creating something beautiful, and I’d let my emotions take over, not thinking that I deserved or wanted to look down and see the striking colors that I once had. Instead, beneath my elbow was mostly colored in blacks and grays. There was a desert road with a signpost. But there were no names on the signs, no way of knowing which way to go, which way may lead back to happiness.
“Tattoos can mean a lot. Express how someone’s feeling, or something in their life they want to remember. Make sure you think hard about what you want. And maybe start off small,” Hadley explained to Meyah. “And don’t try to get anything before you’re eighteen. Because—”
“Then me and your mother would have to fight over who gets to strangle you first,” I finished, stepping into the room.
Hadley and Meyah both looked up at me and smiled. Macy was over in the corner playing with some dolls. “Come on, kid, let’s go.”
She began putting the dolls away happily as Hadley pushed off the sofa. Meyah followed, walking over to give me a hug. I frowned, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame. “You all right, kid?”
She nodded against my chest. “This is for you, not me.”
I smirked as she pulled back and looked up at me. “You think I don’t get enough hugs?”
She giggled. “I can’t imagine all you guys hang around the clubhouse and cuddle when someone’s upset.”
Hadley laughed. “You’d be surprised.”
Meyah’s eyes brightened. “Oh really.” She turned to Hadley and whispered, “Next time bring pictures.”
“All right now, that’s about enough from you two,” I said, scruffing Meyah’s hair and lifting Macy into my arms. “Tell your mom I said thanks, and I’ll see you guys later.”
I saw the conspiring look between the two girls as I followed them to the front door. “Nice to meet you,” Meyah said with a wave.
“You too, Meyah.” Hadley grinned back.
We piled Macy in the car and pulled out of the driveway.
“She’s a cool kid,” Hadley said as we drove down the road, Macy singing happily in the back seat.