“She smiles?” Leo asked, one eyebrow raised.
I laughed and shook my head. I placed my guitar on the bed and stood, meeting Kit halfway as he walked across the room to me and wrapped my arms around his waist. “You don’t even want to know.”
The ride to the church was a resounding chorus of rumbling bikes, some deep, some a soft and eerie drone. It was beautiful – both the sight and the sound.
Along with ours and Kit’s, there were representatives of all the Brothers by Blood chapters. Kit’s parents were there, so was Del, riding next to us and plastered to Wreck’s back. I caught her eye and we both smiled. I tucked my hand inside Kit’s leather cut, enjoying the warmth that always seemed to emanate from his body. He covered my hand with his and gave it a quick squeeze before returning it to the handlebars of the bike.
The black hearse that sat outside the church sunk my stomach instantly.This was it.We were saying goodbye and suddenly everything was all too real. I hid my face against Kit’s back as he pulled the bike up and steadied it before walking us backward. His bike joining the perfectly formed line of sparkling chrome Harleys.
I climbed off and averted my face from the others as they crowded the small parking lot. Kit flipped the stand down and stood in front of me, removing my helmet and his before cupping my face in his large hands and forcing my chin up.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked quietly.
“It’s my fault,” I croaked.
Others avoided us, catching us out of the corner of their eyes and moving forward, thankfully opting not to interrupt our small moment.
“It’s not your fault,” he said sternly as he brushed my hair from my face.
“He wouldn’t be gone if that day in that coffee shop I’d just kept my damn mouth shut. But no, I had to talk back, rev up some guy who I didn’t know because I thought he was just hitting on my friend.”
“Exactly. You didn’t know him. You didn’t know what he was capable of and all you thought about was protecting your friend.”
“I should have –”
“No. There are noshould haves, Harmony. There is onlywhat’s done.” He held my face in both of his hands and his eyes burned into me. “We will never have peace in our lives if we spend what time we do have regretting the decisions that we’ve made. We accept it. We make changes if need be. We move on. We live.”
I gripped his cut and plastered myself to his body. I was sobbing, sobbing like a God damn baby. But Kit was right. Second guessing what I’d done wouldn’t bring Caleb back. It wouldn’t, all of a sudden, make everything in the world right again. It would only leave me feeling guilty.
“Come on, we’re going to be late.”
I looked around to find the lot empty. Filled with bikes, cars and beautiful gardens with flowers, but empty. I linked my fingers through Kit’s and we climbed the concrete stairs and entered the church through two beautiful white doors with stained glass windows. The images on the stained glass were of two large white doves taking off in flight and heading for the clouds. It was so simple yet so perfect.
We took seats at the front next to Optimus and Chelsea and several Presidents and Old Ladies from other chapters. A sea of cuts filled the church.
The Priest said a few words before Optimus stood and took his place. He dwarfed the small stage he stood on, strength and power basically pulsing from him. But as he spoke, he was humble.
“Caleb will forever be a Brother to us. Prospect or not, he died doing what he had to do for the club. He protected, he befriended, he stood proud of who he was and what his cut represented.”
I caught Chelsea reach under her seat and pulled out a box, she walked up to Optimus and handed it to him with a small kiss on the cheek and tears streaming down her face.
Optimus swallowed hard before he placed the box on the table next to him and unwrapped it with a gentleness that was completely out of character.
“We all earned our road names at some point, usually just before we were patched.” I saw the leather that was folded up inside the box and a loud sob broke from my mouth. Kit wrapped his arm around my shoulder and hugged me to his chest as I watched Optimus pull the fully patched leather cut and hold it up for all to see. He looked down at the coffin that sat front and center, it was closed, but we all knew he was there. “Shield.You put your ass on the line more than once to protect your Brothers and our family. Even though to begin with your aim was pretty shit.”
Soft laughter filled the room and I found myself smiling.Shield. It was perfect.
Optimus stepped forward and draped the cut over the top of the casket and I heard him mutter the words that I knew were said to every Brother when they earned their colors. “We may not have been born Brothers. But the club now runs in your veins as it does mine. Brothers by Blood.”
I heard the club name echoed throughout the room. Optimus stepped down and followed Chelsea back to their seats. I reached over Kit and squeezed his hand, the gesture returned.
People took turns getting up to say their piece. We laughed, we cried and when they asked for any final comments before things came to an end, my fingers began to itch. I needed to say goodbye and have my peace with this, and the only way I knew how to do it was with music.
So play I did.