“Kit, you don’t—”
“You’re ashamed of me. Is that why you don’t want to hear it?” I asked.
“God, no. I don’t want to hear it because I hate that you’ve suffered so much, but I’ll listen if you need to get the words out.”
“I do.”
“Go ahead, then.”
“When you live the way I did, you’re vulnerable to being assaulted. Maybe that’s why I was so unaffected when I started working for Nolan. Because my experiences taught me to believe my body wasn’t my own but belonged to whoever had control over it in a moment, whether they paid for it by cash or force.”
“That’s not true. It’s yours.”
“I guess what I’m trying to ask is if I have a right to be angry about what happened, even if I’ve slept with so many men for favors in the past? Because a part of my brain wants me to believe I shouldn’t be upset, since it’s just another man, but I am furious it happened.”
The tears were falling fast now. Sully scooped me up and set me in his lap, tightening his arms around me.
“You listen to me, Kit. You could’ve slept with a million men. If there’s one out there you don’t want to sleep with, that is your choice, and it should be respected. And anyone who doesn’t respect that is violating your rights. You have a right to be angry.”
“I am.”
“Good. I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you always have agency, Kit. That you’ll always be in control of saying no.”
I kissed the side of his neck and sniffled, then pulled back. “I know I’m always safe with you. I trust you, Sully, to always give me a choice.”
“Tell me what you want. How can I make this better?”
“I’ve always done pet play as a domesticated house cat. But I want to be a stray today.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I’ll be fiercer and won’t be easily tamed, but I want you to—to catch me and tame me.”
“Catch you?”
“Yes, give me a head start. I’ll hide. You need to find me, and when you do, I’ll fight back, but don’t stop, no matter what I say. It’s what I want. I want you to subdue me.” I grinned. “I learned the word subdue a couple of days ago.”
He smiled. “And now you’re using it in a sentence. How smart you are.”
He made me believe it.
“If I really want you to stop, I’ll use my safeword. Otherwise, I want you to catch me, mount me, and fuck me like you own me.”
He frowned. “Kit, are you sure? Won’t it trigger the assault?”
“No, quite the opposite in fact because now I’ll be in control. I know if I say my safeword, you’ll stop. It’s getting my fight back.”
“All right, but you have to promise me to use your safeword if we’re close to your limit.”
“Promise.”
Sully cupped the back of my head and kissed me like he did everything—with purpose and passion. When he released my lips, I followed him with my mouth.
“Help me get into kitty headspace.”
My favorite way to slip into the right headspace for playtime was perching in Sully’s lap as he showed me affection by stroking and rubbing me while talking to me. Not long after, purrs rumbled from my chest.
As my cat senses refined, I scrambled off Sully’s lap.