“It can’t be that bad,” he teased, grabbing the ladle from the counter. He dipped it into the sauce and managed to make such a simple act insanely attractive.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I confessed.
“I’ve eaten MREs.”
I remembered my dad bringing home a spaghetti-flavored MRE for my brother and me to try after his first deployment. It was such a novelty to see food made out of powder, and Austin and I got so excited. For years I tried to hold that fond memory with my father as close as I could. I almost told Kael about it instantly, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood by talking about my dad.
I smirked as he brought the spoon to his lips for a second time.
“It’s really good. Let’s eat this?”
“If you’re sure”—I shrugged and turned off the burner—“after the day you’ve had.”
“Who said I had a bad day?” Kael asked, stepping closer. He put his arms on both sides of me and leaned in. His face was inches from mine.
Would it be weird if I kissed him?
Will he remember kissing me when he’s back in his hometown, beginning his new life? Would he miss me? Would he remember me at all?The thoughts hurt me.
“I—” I couldn’t recall what he had just said to me. I was too distracted by how close he was.
“I’ve been smoked before; everyone has. I’m taking this as a farewell from the Army. Plus, look how my day has turned around.” He licked his lips, and I mirrored his action without a thought.
“You promise you’re okay?” I asked one last time.
“Me?” He tapped his chest with his finger. It landed on his rank badge, front and center.
I nodded. My throat was dry as a bone. “Yes, you. After yesterday, after today, in general. I really hope you’re okay,” I said, meaning it.
He smiled again. “I’m fine. Are you worried about me?” he asked playfully.
I shook my head, avoiding eye contact. He dipped his head down to make my eyes meet his.
“Karina, I think youareworried about me.”
The kitchen, my very small kitchen, felt as if it were shrinking by the second.
“I mean, I was worried, yeah. Last night was pretty damn intense. I feel like you should run away from me as soon as you can, before something worse happens to you.”
He smiled and chewed his lip again. The scar above his brow had darkened; I noticed the change of color. Some days it was more raised, others more purple. The cut he got last night was less pronounced today. I felt a little relief.
“I’ve been to war twice before the age of twenty-one. I can handle MPs, and Austin is . . . well, Austin.” He sounded like he knew my brother well and, once again, I felt left out.
“Karina, Karina, Karina,” he sang my name. There was a softness to the way it sounded that made me want to close my eyes. So I did.
Kael’s voice carried on. “You keep apologizing for things you didn’t do. I thought we were going to stop doing that,” he teased.
I loved this mood he was in. I wanted to stay in a cloud of it forever. I was blissful long enough to get addicted, enough to crave it again until reality caught up with me. What was I doing? Literally, what the hell was I doing? I opened my eyes, closing the curtain on my daydreamy moment with Kael.
I somehow managed a voice. “You sound like my old therapist.”
“Is that a good or bad thing?”
I thought about it for a second. “Both.”
“Well, if I were your therapist, I would surely advise you to stay away from men like me.”
I watched him as he nodded and inched closer to me. I wished I knew where we stood.