The peace didn’t last long, though.
“Oh, man, you wiped out!”
“No, hey, Austin—watch!”
“Dude! You are crazy. I mean, what the fuck!”
It was just a lame video game, but it had put Kael on high alert. It was hard not to notice how hyperaware he was of his surroundings. I couldn’t imagine how tough that must be, to never be able to relax. It must be exhausting. He turned to say something but was interrupted by wild shouts from inside the house.
“You got him, man. Killed him with one shot!”
“Fuck yeah! Dead as a fucking doornail, man!”
I shook my head. Kael clenched his jaw.
At least we agreed on something.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Kael asked, picking at his fingers.
How the heck was I supposed to respond to that?
“Doyouthink you’re making me uncomfortable?” The best way to avoid answering a question was to repeat it. I had learned that from my dad.
He let out a breath. “That’s not an answer. But yeah, probably?” he said, cracking a smile. I loved the way his whole face changed when he smiled.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, my answer is no. But one minute you’re ignoring me and the—”
“Ignoring you?” he asked, startled.
“Yeah,” I explained. “You were kind of blowing me off.”
He seemed genuinely surprised. Almost hurt. “I wasn’t trying to.” He hesitated. “It’s kind of hard to adjust to being back here. It’s only been a week and it’s so . . . different? It’s hard to explain. I don’t remember it feeling this weird last time I came back.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I told him. Because I couldn’t.
“It’s the small things. Like using those coffeemakers that brew individual cups or being able to shower every day and wash my clothes in an actual machine.”
“I’m guessing there aren’t any Tide Pods in the Army,” I said. My dad always hated them—even when he returned and could use them, he refused. He liked old-school powder and it grossed me out.
“Sometimes. Wives would send packages to their husbands and we would all get the hookup,” he said.
I wondered if anyone sent him packages, but I didn’t ask. It was my turn to laugh now, but I didn’t. If I wanted to connect with this guy, to find out who he was, I needed to take the first step. Stop deflecting. Build a bridge. Find some common ground and all that.
“You know,” I started, “my dad always came back acting like he just got home fromSurvivor. It was kind of a joke in our house. Not that it was funny.” I was so bad at this. I was overthinking every single word that came out of my mouth.
“It’s fine.” He smiled, obviously amused by my ramblings, and looked me straight in the eye. “Honestly, Karina. It’s fine. You’re fine.”
I kept going, more relaxed now—more reassured. “He would crave the weirdest things and eat Taco Bell for a week straight after coming home.”
Kael nodded slowly, sucking on his lips. “How many times has he gone?”
“Four.”
“Wow.” Kael blew out a breath. “I’m over here complaining about two,” he said, laughing weakly.
“That’s a lot, though. And you’re my age. I’m over here complaining about zero.”
“Did you ever think about joining?”