Once upon a time, we’d floated the idea of going into business together. Going on the road, chasing down bad guys, and having a good time doing it.
When I started dating her brother, we’d even decided we’d make a great skip-chasing trio.
Until, of course, Valen shattered that dream for all of us.
Still, I was kind of happy for her that she got to go through with it.
“Vi,” I said, giving her a genuine smile even if my ass and thigh were killing me and I wasn’t due for a pain pill yet.
“I haven’t been shot yet. Does it suck as bad as Finn is making it seem like?” she asked, moving into the room, not judging the mess of wrappers and snack bags scattered around me.
To say I’d been eating my feelings was a gross understatement.
But Vi was a diehard junk-food eater, so she was the last person to judge.
“He’s halfway healed,” I said. “I’m not so lucky. And yes. It sucks balls.”
“Has your mom been making you choke down those nasty-ass teas?”
“I’ve been trying to avoid them, but yes.”
“Billie is totally going to concoct something for you now that she knows too,” Vi warned me as she sat down on the foot of the bed. “So… were you just never going to tell me you were back in town?”
“I didn’t realize you were around,” I told her, even if we both knew it was a lame excuse for not trying to reach out.
“You didn’t have time to call and see where I was, but you had time to prospect here and get shot in the ass? Come on, Louana.”
“I know,” I said, nodding. “I’m a shitty friend.”
“An absent one, at least,” Vi said, not letting me fully off the hook. She wasn’t the sort. She wanted you to own your shit. “So, was this just some giant plot to fuck with my brother?”
“What other possible reason could I have for being here?” I asked. “This is not exactly the Ritz,” I added, waving around the prospect room. “That TV is only here because I got shot.”
“Yeah, it’s a bit institutional here,” Violet agreed. “I used to think it was so cool when I was a kid. Now, it’s just kinda sad. Which makes me wonder why the hell you are here. When you could be doing literally anything else.”
“You know why,” I told her, unable to look at her when I said it. Because I knew how pathetic it seemed. After so many years, anyway. This move would have had her full support if it happened a year or so after the breakup. After all this time, though?
“I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve it,” Violet said. “I just think you deserve peace. And to pursue your dreams now that you’re back here.”
“I don’t really have them, Vi,” I told her, shaking my head. “You know me. I was never that kid who knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. That’s why I latched onto your dream so hard. This is as good as anything for the time being.”
“The time being,” she repeated. “So you don’t plan on getting patched?”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t the original plan. But I don’t hate it here, either. I think I just need some time to decompress and figure out what I do want,” I admitted. To her. And to myself.
It was strange to be past your early adulthood and still have no idea what you wanted your life to look like.
The only time I really had a clear vision of my future was when I’d been best friends with Vi and dating her brother. Back when I figured Vi, Valen, and I would have a great time in our early twenties—traveling, chasing skips, making fun mistakes. And then, eventually, Valen would do what he knew he always wanted to do—settle down in the club. And I, well, I guess I saw myself having his kids and not working while they were young, then finding something to spend my free time doing when they were older.
But with the end of that relationship, so went my dreams for that future.
I could barely stand most men for a night or casual weekend, let alone think of an actual future with them.
And if a man wasn’t in the picture, I guess kids weren’t either.
So, yeah, I was just… adrift.
The club was at least temporarily anchoring me.
“Hey, you know what I could see you doing? That maybe won’t end with you getting more holes in your body?” Violet said.
“What?”
“Working at Lo’s gym. I mean, I know she and Janie are still running things, but I bet she is getting ready to retire. She already mostly handed over the reins of Hailstorm to Chris. And Cash has stepped back a lot from the club. I could just see you there. Training the new generation of girls to kick ass.”