“Probably not,” I tell her. “It was Helen’s first experience with a dead body.”
Helen nods, her hand moving up and down my thigh, stroking. It’s rather similar to the way she touches me in the shower and I’m growing uncomfortably hard. I’m not even sure she’s aware she’s doing it, and I’m loath to take her hand off my leg. “I thought I made his head fall off,” she says. “It was very traumatizing.”
“Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?” Jade asks.
“Because I thought I made his head fall off,” Helen explains again. “I didn’t want to talk about it. But now that I’ve killed a lot more men it doesn’t bother me as much.”
Jade’s eyes widen in horror and she shoots me a reproachful look. “I feel like there are a lot of conversations that need to be had. Exactly how many men have you killed, Helen? And why hasn’t Mathiras been protecting you?”
“Oh, it’s okay,” Helen tells her cheerfully. “I’m a genetically modified assassin, it turns out. Isn’t that fun?”
“Is it?” Jade’s brows look like they’re about to go into her hairline, they’re raised so high. “I think I need to hear about your adventures more than anyone needs to hear about Kaspar’s.”
I settle in next to Helen, because I suspect this might take a while.
CHAPTER 113
HELEN
By the time I finish the recap of everything I can think of, Jade’s mouth is hanging open and Alice is grimacing.
“I can’t believe it,” Jade murmurs, giving a small shake of her head. “All those times we hid you away while we dealt with pirates. All the times we kept you safe, and it turns out it should have been the other way around.”
“Right?” I beam at her, pleased with my skills. “I had no idea that I was this good at being a bodyguard. It’s like being around Mathiras unlocked a whole new side of me.”
“Kinda like being around him unlocked your knees, too,” Alice mutters.
Sophie bites her lip, trying not to smile. I just beam at them, because it’s true. Being around Mathiras has made me realize how amazing and wonderful it is to be in love. I adore him. I adore all his touches and the scent of him. I love how we curl together in bed at night. I love how he always makes me feel good and talks me through when I’m feeling sad or upset. I love that I can make him relax, because he needs someone to help him relax.
I don’t see a problem with being happy. I was happy on the Buoyant Star with my sisters around me. Being with Matty has shown me an entirely new sort of happiness, and I want to run toward it with my arms outstretched. On the Star, we lived from day to day, never knowing what the future would bring. Now, I feel like the future is exciting and there’s so much to look forward to. I can think about a lifetime with Mathiras.
I can think about a family. A home.
I rub Mathiras’s leg again, kneading his muscles. He immediately covers my hand with his, smiling at the group. “I promised Helen we’d get a good look at the gardens. Anyone mind if we excuse ourselves for a while?”
Jade yawns, and the action seems exaggerated. “I sure am tired. Maybe me and Adi will head to bed early.”
Adi blinks, and then nods, recognition dawning on his face. “Oh yeah. I am just exhausted.”
Aw. I feel so bad for them. They just got reunited and they’re both so tired. That’s hard. “I hope you both feel better in the morning,” I tell them as Matty gets to his feet, adjusting his tunic as he does. “Did you want to come see the gardens with us, Alice? Kas?”
“They don’t,” Mathiras says quickly. “I assure you, they don’t.”
Oh. I look over at Alice and she’s smirking even as Mathiras grabs my hand and hauls me to my feet. His movements seem urgent, which is odd. Are we in a hurry? I wave to both Sophie and Alice while Jerrok refills Kaspar’s brew. “I guess you don’t want to see the plants,” I say to them, bewildered. “We’ll be back later—”
“No rush,” Sophie tells me sweetly. “Mathiras knows where the guest quarters are. We’ll keep one room open for the two of you. Oh, and you don’t have to worry about Sleipnir bothering you. He’s back in our rooms.”
“Sleipnir doesn’t bother me,” I reassure her, even as Matty pulls me away from the table and out of the room. “But thank you!”
I could swear I hear Alice giggle as we leave.
Then Mathiras is practically storming down one of the side halls in the station, my hand clutched tightly in his. “Are we rushing?” I ask him. “It feels like we’re rushing. Are you all right?” I’m worried he’s upset. “Did I say something wrong?”