And that was something unfamiliar.
He separated these parts of his life. For him, sex and desire had nothing to do with what he did the rest of his days. It was disconnected. A service he bought. He had purposed that he would not expose himself again by sharing his desires with a woman who might not have the same needs.
Beatrice did.
She wanted the same things.
It was intoxicating.
It had been sufficient, keeping his intimate desires satisfied by whores. Beneficial for all involved.
But this was something he’d craved. Something he’d determined did not actually exist. The possibility of sharing his life with a woman who also wanted in the way he did.
It made him feel vulnerable.
It made him feel.
He didn’t like it.
And yet he did not know if he could deny himself either.
William ran through the grass, though he did not join any of the groups of children that were about.
‘Does he not like to be with other children?’
‘He does not have much experience of them,’ Briggs said. ‘Though... I feel that if he wished to play with children, he would say.’
‘He does not seem to long for inclusion.’
‘No. I recall... I recall often feeling that way when I was in school.’
‘When did you go to school?’
‘When I was fourteen. I was taught at home by my governess until then.’
‘Do you know why?’
He laughed. ‘One does not question the Duke of Brigham, Your Grace. By which I mean my father. One does not speak to him also. I don’t just mean now, because he is dead. He was ashamed of me, and he did not wish for me to be at school where I might reflect poorly on him.’
‘Surely he did not...’
‘He did. It was not until he died that my mother finally sent me.’
‘What a terrible...horrible man,’ she said.
‘He was not a good man.’
‘My father was the same.’ She grimaced. ‘Even if he was different with it. Though I do feel you must know a bit about the notorious Duke of Kendal, and all the ways in which Hugh has taken it upon himself to rehabilitate the name and title.’
‘I do know,’ Briggs said. ‘It is one reason that I knew I must marry you. For there is nothing more important to Hugh than reputation. The doing right.’
‘Right as society defines it.’
‘It is the only way that matters.’
‘Yes, so it would appear. But I wonder...’
‘It does not benefit us to wonder, Beatrice.’