, I fear that I’m letting Larsen down by giving in. She always made me want to be stronger, to fight harder.
God damn, how am I going to make it another day without her in my life?
“Devyn? What are you doing?”
Tessa’s surprise entrance causes my hand to jerk and a splash of the liquid lands on my lip.
Disgusted with myself, I pull my arm back and throw the glass against the wall, shattering the tumbler and spilling liquid around the room. I feel like I’m watching the entire scenario in slow motion.
Using the sleeve of my shirt, I wipe my face clean, hating that I’ve fallen so far.
“I didn’t drink it, Tessa. I swear,” I cry as I fall into a heap on the couch, burying my head in my hands.
She walks closer and grabs the neck of the bottle in her hand. “How did it even get in here? Everyone knows not to bring you alcohol. Their jobs are on the line.”
“I don’t know. It was here when I arrived this morning.” Taking a deep breath, I look up at her, my eyes feeling red and dry like they did when I would wake from a hangover. “You know I didn’t drink any, right?”
“I know. You’d have the bottle, not a glass.”
The room feels like it’s closing in. The shelves across the way look like they’re growing in size. I’m Alice shrinking in Wonderland.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Tessa.”
Nonchalantly she takes a seat next to me as if she didn’t just witness my meltdown.
“I need you to focus today. It’s a big day.”
“I know. I know. I’m trying. I just. . .I can’t find my mark.”
“She’s here, Devyn.”
That draws my attention. “What?” I whisper, wondering what she had to do to get Larsen here.
“She’s here to support you today. And if you’re up for it, she’d like to see you after.”
My mood instantly changes and it’s like the curtains have been pulled back. The light shines through and it’s marvelous. “Really?”
“Yes. So we need your head in the game.”
Surprising my cousin, I reach over and wrap her tightly in my arms. “Thank you. I’ll never be able to repay you.”
“Sure, you will. I really like that Porsche you bought.”
“It’s yours.”
“Well, let’s make sure you make it through the day first.”
Taking the whiskey bottle with her, Tessa moves to the small attached bathroom and empties the contents while I get in the safety suit the wardrobe team dropped off when I arrived this morning.
We walk together toward the starting point of the track. It’s a course that scales through the valley and the hills, mostly used for testing new model designs for stability. The car I’m driving today is the exact same model I’ve been practicing in for weeks. At this point, the moves should come as muscle memory.
But today is different. This moment is different. Not only do I need to complete this in one take with various camera angles filming at once, but I have the watchful eyes of Larsen on me. The sense of clarity is overwhelming.
Now I know what it’s like to be without her, to live each day knowing that I won’t hear her voice or listen to that melodic giggle I’ve grown to love.
With her being here, I feel my heart inflating in my chest, beating wildly at the thought of reconnecting with its other half.
The stunt coordinator steps over and we go through the drawing of the track again. He tells me where to slow down and accelerate without the need for using the brakes. I’m told that it will make the car much smoother through the turns and more aggressive in the straight-aways.