Laughing, I turn out the light beside my bed and tuck myself under the sheets. The morning will be here soon enough and it seems I’ll find my way to Chicago regardless of the war between my head and my heart. Each pulling me in different directions.
It’s too soon to know which one to follow.
Boarding the plane the next morning, wedged between two older women heading to Florida to visit their grandchildren, I settle with listening to my heart. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet. But there is a first time for everything.
CHAPTER NINE – DEVYN
Empty.
Hollow.
Blank.
Could I feel any more like an emo shit?
Three weeks ago, when Tessa forced her way into my solitude with Larsen and snatched me away from Shady Pines, I felt like my body was being ripped into shreds. It wasn’t until she reminded me of my plans, of our plans, that I saw her reasoning. How I had begged and pleaded to find a way to get back to the top. How that pedestal beckoned me to stand upon it again.
I knew what I was leaving behind, I ached with the knowledge. Larsen was the shimmering light in my world of darkness, but she was the one thing holding me back from where I belonged.
In the airport waiting for our plane to be ready, I had snagged some paper from an airline worker and penned Larsen a letter. I didn’t want her out of my life. I absolutely couldn’t bear the thought of that. She was important. She was everything right in the world without the skepticism. I needed her in my life to keep my demons at bay. Her flickering flame saving me from my shadows. I knew calling her apartment phone would be tricky, there was very little we could do to line up our lives for a quick chat. This letter would at least let her know that she was on my mind.
But I never received a response from my letter to her, one where I digressed and went off on tangents until opening up my soul. I missed her with every breath that I take. I waited for weeks and finally gave up. She had forgotten me, just as I requested.
And as I stare down at the picture on my phone, the photo Tessa messaged me not too long ago, I should feel anger, hatred, but I just feel nothing.
“Devyn?” My agent calls out my name from across the table but I turn my attention to my cousin seated beside her.
I can’t focus. All I see is that image of Cole with his arm wrapped around Larsen. My Larsen. I want to feel violent. Sorrow. Anything. But all I feel is the steady beat of my chest pounding.
My vision becomes hazy and I’m certain that there are more people in the image with them, but all my eyes see are her and him.
“Devyn. I need an answer,” Dominique’s steady voice of reason breaks through my barrier.
The sound of a book slamming echoes in the small conference room we’re inhabiting for this meeting.
“Sorry, I. ..uh. . .I’m mentally preparing for the fight scene coming up,” I lie.
My agent doesn’t have a chance to counter because the door to the room opens wide and her stern face turns to one of embarrassment quickly followed by fake elation as Quinn and her cop husband, owners of Tuinn Productions, stroll in.
“Oh goodness,” Quinn says in masked surprised. “Did you start without us?”
Quinn has the right to be upset, not only is her company producing the film, but I learned that she is a major investor in the project as well.
“Not at all,” my agent stutters. “We were just going over the proposal to have Devyn and Elena appear to be more than costars to the media outlets.”
I watch as Quinn nods and I feel a pang in my chest that she isn’t opposing the notion. It’s a popular ploy in Hollywood to draw more attention to a film, but I assumed Quinn would be above that falsity.
Quinn takes her seat, Trevor taking the one next to her, his body only a few inches from hers. “Well, before you make a decision, let me share some news.
“The initial media fodder is exceptionally positive thus far for the film. Fans are excited as well; both of your media ratings have skyrocketed. We actually have a meeting to hire more security to the sets moving forward.
“Obviously, it’s your decision, but if I may be so bold, I think that by appearing to be in a deeper relationship off set may have people clamoring to witness the chemistry on screen.”
I look over to Elena who sits primly, almost as tall as myself, with her assistant hunched over the table across the way next to Tessa. He’s busy typing away on his phone as Elena smiles warmly. It won’t be a hardship to pretend with her, we’ve already shared a bed, what more is a few dinners?
Looking back down at my phone, at the picture of Cole and Larsen, I find myself agreeing to the proposal.
“Wonderful,” my agent boasts as she reaches into her bag for a stack of papers.