Just as I close the door to my apartment, I hear my phone ring. I pause for a second, debating internally if I should answer the call or let it continue to ring. My heart wins.
I do my best to push my key into the lock, but the piece of metal doesn’t want to cooperate in my haste to get inside. Finally, the key slides into the contraption just as the ringing stops. My chest heaves knowing that I’ve missed his call, my damn heart hurting all over again.
My gaze falls on the scrap of paper with his number scrawled in blue ink. Without a second glance, I dial the numbers and wait for the ringing tone, except I’m met with the immediate answer of a generic voicemail message telling me that Devyn’s mailbox is full.
I close my eyes as I place the phone back on the receiver resolving myself to try again later. At least I can say that we both tried and that surprisingly gives me a little more pep in my step.
As I walk toward the diner, I keep my head held high, a far removal from the slouched appearance of my normal stance.
Inside, I stroll over to Uncle Jeff sitting in his booth and lean forward to hug him, then do the same to Joanne as she walks by. I can see them silently ask how I am doing since Devyn left, but I just smile and get to work.
Tacker is a no-show, and I’m not surprised, he’s been showing up less and less. I need to talk to Uncle Jeff about hiring another cook.
Cole and a few of his colleagues walk in just before the dinner crowd and they take a seat at one of the booths. But he surprises me when he comes up to me and calls my name.
“Larsen, my friends and I are going hiking this weekend. You want to come along?”
My normal answer would be a silent shake of my head, a denial to his request. But I surprise both myself and him when I smile. “Yeah, that sounds fun.”
One small step has never felt so glorious before.
~
The days pass, one into the next. Diner. Auto shop. Books. Stocking the convenience store. Everything is a blur of the same routine. Devyn’s car was fixed and shipped back to his home in Los Angeles. All is how it was before he arrived as if he was never here at all.
We play a series of phone tag. I was only able to catch him once before he was needed on set. That few second conversation felt like another goodbye instead of a glimmer of hope of what we could be.
Uncle Jeff hires another cook from the town over and she seems to be a good fit for the diner. Her daughter also comes along and helps serve, opening more free hours of studying for me. I also think the older woman may be what helps fix my uncle’s heart. I saw some interest in his eyes when she came in after we posted the Hiring sign on Monday. Maybe she can be the thing that heals both of us.
Tomorrow is my big hiking trip with Cole and his friends, and while I’m excited to spend some time away from work with people my own age, I know that it won’t make up for my missing Devyn. I haven’t slept much this week, my dreams inundated continuously with memories of him or scenarios where we were still together. Our constant missing of calls making the longing even worse.
“Are you headed out?” Joanne asks as I drape my apron on the hook
and grab my bag.
“Yeah, I have an online test tonight and I want to get some more studying in.”
“You look tired, hun. Maybe try to get a nap in?” I brush off her concern and tell her that I’m fine. I know that they’ve all been walking on eggshells around me, especially since I seem to be more comfortable in my skin around everyone. It’s as if they don’t know how to act around a more self-assured me.
“Oh, and I have the beef stroganoff going for the dinner special.”
Joanne shakes her head with a chuckle. “Mr. Turner’s request?”
“You know it.”
I stalk toward the rarely used back door. If I go through the front, one or more people will invariably ask me questions about Devyn.
“Hey, Larsen,” Joanne calls out as Karen, the new cook, comes into the kitchen smiling warmly. “It’s okay to have fun tomorrow, it’s okay to move on. Because he’s not coming back, hun. And I don’t mean that to sound cruel, but maybe just as a reality check.”
It’s not said in malice or to hurt me, it’s said like a friend trying to help me maneuver through this situation, through the hurt.
Taking a deep breath, my shoulders relax and I look over at her, my wounds exposed.
“I know, Joanne. I got more than I ever expected from him. I mean, when he first arrived, I didn’t even like him. I know he isn’t coming back. And Cole is great, we’ll have fun.”
“Okay, just know sometimes you have to let go to move forward. And stop by whenever you want for some Ben and Jerry’s. I want to hear all about being with a celebrity.”
Smiling, I nod and slip out the door, trying not to dwell on her advice. Or whatever it is that she is trying to say.