“I know, Tessa,” I remind her again, as I do on a daily basis it seems.
Her voice is faint, as if it’s still a shock to her as well. I almost expect her hands to cover both sides of our mouths as if she’s telling me a secret. “You got it, Devyn.”
“Got what?”
“The role of a lifetime. The role hundreds of A-list and B-list actors auditioned for.”
My body moves on impulse once I recognize the film she’s mentioning. The new franchise by Tuinn Productions guaranteeing an eight-film contract. News of this magnitude flooded through Hollywood faster than a tsunami. Everyone wants a piece of this movie. Why? Because Tuinn Productions is owned by America’s sweetheart Quinn Miller. Since she launched the company, Quinn has what many call the “Midas Touch.” Everything she produces turns to gold in dollars and acclaim. She knows the business and the audience.
Shock crashes through me and I can’t help but stare at Tessa waiting for the laugh, the guilty cackle telling me that she’s playing a cruel joke. When it doesn’t come, I can do nothi
ng but continue to gaze at her in disbelief. “I got the Fire & Vice part?”
“The lead – Brody Granger.”
It doesn’t register that I’ve moved without thought until I go to hug Tessa only to notice that my hands are already clenched on my cousin’s shoulders. She stiffens as I embrace her but I ignore my dejection at her lack of interaction.
She pushes free of my embrace, her surprised face morphing into that stern motherly look from just moments ago. “Devyn, listen to me. There is a caveat.”
“Okay, what is it? Do I need to train? Learn some certain skill? What? You know that I can do it.”
“No, Devyn. It’s not like that. Quinn is your friend and has known you for a long time. Now, I spoke to her directly and this is coming from all of the investors on the project.”
My agitation is rising as she continues to bypass the topic.
I take a step back and study Tessa as she continues to grapple with her thoughts.
“Just spit it out, Tessa.”
“Fine. You have to be sober. Not just on set, but one hundred percent of the time. The investors are requiring random drug and urine tests throughout filming all the way up until the movie premieres. Your slip ups haven’t gone unnoticed, Devyn. And with their money on the line they want a guarantee that you’re on board one hundred percent.”
Shock. Devastation. Denial. Ignorance.
I feel everything at the moment. Every emotion I wash away with the alcohol bubbles at the surface, begging for a chance to break free. I imagine if my emotions were a rope I’d be pulled and tugged in every different direction until my body is torn apart.
It’s not until Tessa’s soft hand grips my bicep that I come back into myself.
“Devyn, Quinn is backed into a corner. She knows you have the talent, but she can’t fight everyone on this. It’s an all or nothing offer. She’ll understand if you can’t do it, but she believes in you. I believe in you.”
“Then why did you say that you’re going to have to call them back?”
“Because I need you to believe in you.” A pause settles and grows in the room, Tessa giving me a chance to proceed or nix the situation. This is the end game for me. If I can’t do this, then I’ve used up all my chances. “Think about it, okay? They need an answer by tomorrow. Filming starts three weeks after the Lake Tahoe Film Festival that you will be attending, but they want to begin read through a week earlier. The film is on a tight schedule.”
Tessa leaves the room without a backward glance leaving me to stew in the mess I’ve made of my life. But is that really the truth? Would any of this have happened if my parents hadn’t stolen everything from me? Would I be this way if they had loved me as a child and not a paycheck?
Emancipation is a strange thing to a child – it gives you back the control you deserve, but steals away any ounce of love that may have existed. Tessa’s family stepped in when I needed them most, never asking for anything in return.
And now, even though I feel as if I’m backed into a corner, it’s my chance to give them something in return. To see their belief in me make its rise.
In disgust, I grip the edge of the trashcan and carry it from the trailer, tossing the entire basket into the dumpster in the parking lot before I return to the film set.
I can do this. I can make my aunt and uncle proud and make Tessa proud too. And maybe, just maybe, I can believe in myself just enough to get through it.
CHAPTER TWO – LARSEN
There was a time in my life when I knew little about disappointment. My world had been cherries and gumdrops until my father died of a heart attack at the age of forty-three, leaving my mother and me to continue living each day for the next. At least, that was my plan.
Downward spirals are a hard thing to pinpoint. Is it one solitary event that launches someone over the edge to where they can barely see a glimmer of light beneath the heavy mounds of despair? Or is it a sequence of actions and emotions twisting like a corkscrew until the pressure becomes too much and you bury your true self away only emerging as the shell of what you want everyone to see?