Chapter 19
Varden
Ipulled the Audi into my parking garage and locked my mask in the glove box, double and triple checking that it was secure. Yeah, I was that insane about my privacy, I’ll admit it.
On the way to the penthouse, I leaned my head back against the elevator wall. Why did I do this to myself, stay out late when I knew I’d be exhausted the next day?
Light glowed from under the guest room door, and the TV played a game show. I knocked lightly.
“Beau? You up?” I called.
A stirring sound came from the other side. “Yeah, c’mon in,” he answered in a groggy voice.
He clicked off the TV and propped himself up in bed, running his fingers through his shoulder-length hair. He pulled an elastic off his wrist and gathered it into a short pony tail.
“Guess I fell asleep.” He looked everywhere except at me. “I’m sorry about this, you know, everything.”
“Yeah. What happened?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. I was out and felt really down, so stopped by a bar. I was gonna have only one…” His voice trailed off.
I sat on the edge of the bed. “You know it doesn’t work that way.”
He ran a hand over his face. “I know. I fucked up.”
“Well. You want some water or juice?” I offered.
“Nah, I’m good.”
The shit he’d gone through. Kind of broken my hard as stone heart.
“Hey, I can pay for you to go back to that rehab place you liked. It was much nicer than that halfway house you’re in right now,” I offered.
“I know. I appreciate it.” He nodded, then finally looked at me. “But you can’t just keep throwing money at me and my problems. It’s not that simple.”
This was a familiar conversation.
“I don’t throw money at you. I want to help.”
“Var, you are a fucking rock star, and I’m your loser little brother. It’s just the way it is. You can’t spend your way out of this,” he said.
“That’s bullshit and you know it. We might just as easily have ended up in each other’s shoes. You could have been the successful one, and I could have been the one who’s a mess. So much of life is a fucking crapshoot.”
I looked my brother and saw the scared little guy I’d left behind when I escaped to college. At that moment, I hated myself more than he hated himself, if that were possible.
There was nothing fair about life. Not a goddamn thing.
“I’m not giving up on you. Even if you give up on yourself.”
Beau looked at his hands and said nothing.
“G’night, bro.” I switched off the light and closed the door. I had to get out of there.