Page 78 of Confessions

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“No, you shouldn’t.” His thumb rubbed gently across the back of her hand. “Just hear me out.”

Telling herself she was a fool of the highest order, Nadine helped him unpack the car. Her insides were knotted, and she told herself she was only prolonging the agony by watching him start a fire. “We’ll eat first,” he said, and she didn’t argue. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear all of the details of his affair—or his father’s—with another woman, but knew that if there was any chance of a future for them, she had to.

She heated clam chowder and warmed the bread. They ate in the den, in front of the crackling flames, sipping wine and trying to ignore the tension that seemed to mount with each slow tick of the grandfather clock.

“I never loved her,” Hayden admitted, setting his empty bowl on the coffee table.

“You don’t have to—”

“She was handpicked by my mother. From the right family. Her father was a doctor and her mother had inherited ‘old money.’ She was pretty and smart and my mother thought she’d make the perfect match. Her parents, too, were thrilled at the prospect. Even Wynona bought into the plan. But I wasn’t about to be bullied into marrying someone I didn’t really care about. Oh, I liked her. A lot. What was there not to like?

“What I didn’t know, and my parents didn’t realize, was that most of Wynona’s inheritance didn’t exist. Her father had sizable debts that he’d incurred while going to school and he had a little problem at the racetrack. He liked to bet on the ponies. The family still had money, of course, but not the kind of wealth my mother expected. Most of what was left of the Galveston fortune would be passed on to their son, Wynona’s brother, Gerard. So, I was the perfect catch.

“Remember the Mercedes I left

in the sawmill lot the day I met you?” She nodded and he said, “Well, it was an engagement present from my father. To Wynona and me. Only, there was no engagement. So I didn’t accept the gift and my old man was furious.”

Nadine remembered the day as vividly as if it had occurred just last week. Meeting Hayden had changed her life forever. She stared at him now, his features solemn in the firelight, his eyes lifeless. “When I wasn’t interested in her, Wynona was desperate and then...my father stepped in. I don’t really know when they started their affair. I’ve told myself that it had to have happened after I’d told her I wouldn’t marry her, but I’m not so sure. She was pregnant. Oh, hell!” He stood and walked to the fireplace, adding a small log and watching the flames devour the mossy oak.

“I didn’t know about their affair at first, nor did my mom. Dad had always had a thing for women, younger beautiful women, and Mom had always turned her head. She would rather suffer his infidelity than divorce him and admit that she couldn’t hold her man. How she put up with him, I’ll never know. Remember I told you that my mom and I stayed at the lodge in the mountains? Well, she took me there once when she walked out on dad after learning that he was involved with his secretary. But, as always, she went back to him.”

Nadine felt as if she’d been led down a private stairway and into a dark room where she didn’t belong. “I don’t think I want to know the rest—”

“I want you to. While my mom was trying to patch things up with Wynona and me, my dad was already taking her to his bed.”

“And she got pregnant.”

“Right. Then all hell broke loose.” He stared at Nadine, saw the doubts in her eyes and took her hand between his two larger palms. “Believe me, Nadine, I never slept with her. The baby couldn’t have been mine.”

“There was no mention of a baby in the paper.”

“Lots of things were left out,” he said flatly. “As I said, her old man was a doctor and made sure that no one learned that she was pregnant. Oh, a few medical people knew, but they kept their mouths shut.”

“Oh, God, Hayden. This is too much,” she said, shaking her head. “Even if the baby wasn’t yours—”

“It wasn’t,” he said firmly, his nostrils flaring.

“It died. Died in the accident. Your half brother or sister.”

He took her into his arms and held her close. She felt near tears, for a baby who had never had the chance to live, for Hayden who had endured the hardship of being fathered by a man who had never known the meaning of the word love and for herself. She loved him. With all her stupid heart, she loved him and yet there was so much she didn’t know about him. He’d been raised in a different world from hers and there was so much pain between their families.

“You may as well know it all,” Hayden said, holding her close.

“There’s more?”

“I wasn’t driving the boat.”

“But the accident report—”

“Shh.” His breath ruffled her hair. “Wynona blamed me because we had a fight. Because of the baby, she begged me to marry her and I wouldn’t. She was out of her mind and told me she was going to kill herself. I didn’t really believe her but she ran out of the house and down the dock. I chased after her, and managed to get into the boat before she took off, but she was already at the helm. She tore away from the dock as fast as she could and I let her drive. I figured it would do her good to let off steam. So I didn’t try to wrestle the helm from her. She tried to scare me, driving recklessly, but I didn’t stop her. I saw the other boat before she did and yelled at her, but it was too late. The other guy bailed out and we struck the fishing boat broadside.”

“But everyone thinks...the police reports...”

“They said I was the driver. For insurance purposes. No one was supposed to drive the boat but members of the family. There was some restriction because the boat was so powerful. Lots of other people did, but when the accident occurred, everyone thought I was behind the wheel. I was unconscious for a couple of days and by the time I came around and the police talked to me, my dad had told me what to say. I didn’t want to, of course, but he convinced me it would look best for everyone. Especially Wynona. She was already blaming me for the accident because I was the reason she took the boat in the first place. And I felt guilty about the baby. For once I believed my old man and rather than cause more of a scandal, I went along with the story.” He sighed. “For keeping my mouth shut so long, my dad finally paid me off.” He motioned to the room around him. “With this.”

She wanted to believe him, to trust him, but needed time to sort through his story, decide for herself what was fact and what was fiction. Slowly she pulled herself out of his embrace and asked a question that had been on her mind for years. “There were rumors, Hayden. Lots of them. You had a reputation.” She eyed him thoughtfully. “A girl named Trish London.”

“Hell.”


Tags: Lisa Jackson Romance