“I love that you and Henry live here with me full-time now,” he begins. “I know it was a hard decision for you, feeling like you were giving up your independence, but we’re making it work, don’t you think?”
I nod. “I don’t feel like I gave up anything,” I reassure him. “Yes, I was a little cautious at first, but now, I’m comfortable here. We’re both comfortable, and this is an incredible place to call home, Rick. You know that in my old apartment, the baby’s crib was going to be in the living room.”
Rick nods and then continues, his expression still thoughtful.
“Yes, and I’m happy that we have the space for a child. But even more, I want you to know that I love being a father to Henry. It’s meaningful and worthwhile in a way that I didn’t anticipate, and I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself better through taking care of him.”
Tears well up in my eyes. “You are his father figure,” I say quickly. “And Henry’s lucky to have a man like you to look up to. We’re both lucky,” I clarify.
Rick nods.
“But it’s not just that,” he continues, “because Henry’s really helped me get my priorities in order. And simply put, honey, I want another child. With you, Hannah. I want a biological child with you, although of course, I consider Henry my own as well. But I want to take things to the next level, and that means expanding our family.”
Shock hits me and I blink.
“What do you think, sweetheart?” Rick continues, sounding excited now. “It would be nice to expand our family, don’t you agree? We’d give Henry a sibling and I think he’d love being a big brother. Hell, let’s give him a couple more siblings while we’re at it.”
My heart races as the color drains from my face. I try to look enthusiastic, but my hands are clammy and the oxygen in my lungs feels thin.
“Hannah?” Rick says my name sharply, and it’s as if his voice is coming from a thousand miles away. He leans toward me and peers into my eyes. “Hannah,” he repeats, louder this time.
“Oh. A baby?” I finally manage. “You want a baby?”
The handsome billionaire nods, confident and proud.
“I do, Hannah, and I want a child with you,” he states. “We’d make a beautiful child together.”
“Oh,” I utter, the word dropping like a stone into huge, endless well. That gets him, and Rick stares at me.
“Don’t you want a baby with me?” he finally asks, those blue eyes searching mine. I bite my lip, unsure of what to say. After all, the handsome man’s done so much for me already, but how can I reveal my greatest fear? I take a deep breath, summoning my courage because it’s obvious that only the truth will suffice.
“I don’t know,” I begin. I feel the big man pull back from me immediately.
“What?” he asks. “Do you mean it’s too soon? I know you only just gave birth to Henry. We can wait a little if that’s what you want, sweetheart.”
I shake my head, tears pricking my eyes.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that, Rick… I’m not sure that I want any more kids.”
He looks absolutely dumbfounded.
“I’m sorry?”
I nod again, knowing that I’m about to cause this man great pain.
“It’s not about motherhood,” I explain in a miserable tone, trying to find the right words for this horrible situation. “It’s just that … well, Henry’s pregnancy was a surprise. You know that. I was already pregnant with him when I met you, and it was a scary time.”
He stares at me.
“Okay.”
I take a deep breath and start again. “It’s just that being a single mother was terrifying. I had nothing. I struggled every day to make ends meet, and the stress was overwhelming. My insurance only covered so many doctor’s appointments and then when I had to take leave from work, the financial pressure was crushing. Sure, I had enough in the bank for a few months, but what about after that? What if my baby needed more? What if he needed special services? I wasn’t even sure how I was going to afford daycare on my city employee salary, to be honest.”
I start crying now, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. “It was a terrifying experience. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay the bills, manage my job, and raise a child at once. I started skimping on everything and anything, and this is embarrassing, but I started washing my clothes in the tub because I didn’t feel I could afford a laundromat. I even scrounged in my neighbors’ garbage cans for food because I wanted to save money so badly.”
“Hannah,” Rick takes one of my hands in his, his expression full of love and pain. “I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry it came to that.”