Chapter Forty-One
Sienna
The words wereon the tip of my tongue. I was moments away from saying it—moments away from changing his life just like two tiny pink lines had changed mine. But I wanted this one day as much as he did. A day where it was just us. A day where I could allow myself to forget the pain. Forget the longing. Forget the fear.
Forget the reality of everything changing tomorrow.
I deserved it, didn’t I? All those nights of crying, days of sitting in my room wishing the world would just come to an end. All those hours of wondering where he was, seconds of feeling my bones crack under the weight of his absence.
Just one day.
Just one fucking day.
The rain pitter-pattered against the window, the wind whistling through the trees with an icy gust. The crackle of flames in the fireplace and the feel of Noah’s arms around me seemed almost too perfect. It was everything I dreamed about when we were apart—to spend a day just like this one with him.
My stomach had settled after that morning’s sudden bout of nausea. It was my first experience with morning sickness, and it came without warning. I was still tasting syrup in my mouth when my stomach churned; those damn delicious pancakes curdling.
I prayed that nausea wouldn’t return with a vengeance since Noah made it quite clear he’d be shoving Zofran down my throat if I had to throw up again. I’d hate to have to tell Noah about the pregnancy during a tiff over nausea medication.
We spent the day lounging around, keeping warm and comfy under blankets. Noah seemed more at ease and less troubled, but I noticed how his eyes would flash with worry every now and then—especially when we had moments of silent affection. Moments when I’d laugh, and he’d simply look at me, tucking a stray curl behind my ear and weaving his fingers down my hair.
We tried to forget about the outside world for as long as possible, but reality kept on knocking, ensuring it wouldn’t be forgotten.
Every time I went to the bathroom, I’d catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, and I’d turn to the side as if it was possible for my stomach to grow since the last time I looked.
A cold chill would slither down my spine whenever I reminded myself that I had to tell him. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow.
Soon.
I leaned against the doorframe, watching Noah peel and slice some fruit. The sun had just set, and rain was still pouring down outside.
He glanced at me as he placed some grapes in a bowl. “Since you got sick after eating my pancakes, and pancakes is literally the only thing I can make, we have limited options for dinner.” He tossed an orange from one hand to the other. “Fruit?”
“I’m surprised you even have fruit.” I sauntered closer. “Don’t all men stock up on microwave dinners and instant noodles?”
“Not when they plan on kidnapping a hot as fuck, rich little socialite who only demands the best.” He winked at me playfully, and I scowled back at him.
“You could have stopped at ‘hot as fuck.’”
“I could have.” He smirked, and those damn dimples were just fucking perfect. The more I looked at him, the more I felt him, the deeper I fell. There was a time in my life when I thought finding a love that had the power to consume you was impossible. It was something only depicted in movies and read about in romance novels. A love that ached, yet nothing compared. A love that became your sustenance, your gravity. A love that destroyed and ruined when lost.
I wondered when it happened—the exact moment I fell in love with him so deeply it hurt to breathe when we were apart. I didn’t know the power of what I felt for him before the day he walked away from me. That was when I realized that somewhere between kissing a stranger and waking up with a broken heart, Noah had become my strength. My hope. The man who made me see that I wanted so much more out of life than staying young forever. I wanted to grow old with someone who made me laugh, someone who gave me strength to fight the storm, someone who could dance with me in the rain.
A love that deluged me with unrelenting passion and insatiable desire that burned with a ferocity it would burn everything to the ground with a single spark.
I found that with Noah. But the moment he left, fate showed me that a love this powerful could become a poison that infected your blood with fear and regret. It was a toxin that almost ruined me.
I reached out and touched his cheek, his five o’clock shadow scraping against my palm. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come back.”
Luminescent blue eyes stared down at me, studying me, looking deep into my soul.
I brushed my thumb along his bottom lip, my gaze following the movement. “I won’t survive losing you again,” I whispered, the thought alone terrifying me. “Not again.”
He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer, snaking an arm around my shoulder and spreading his fingers up the back of my neck and into my hair.
Without saying a word, he eased my head back, exposing my throat to his lips and peppering gentle kisses along the delicate skin. My body hummed with every touch, and I placed my palms on his chest while his lips slowly disarmed me—soon to force me into submission.
“I wasn’t meant to love you,” he murmured against my jaw. “I wasn’t meant to have you.” His lips brushed up the side of my face, touching my ear. “But I do love you.” My body shivered when he let his mouth hover over mine. “And not the devil himself will take you from me.”