I couldn’t help it when a slight shudder escaped.
What was I supposed to do now?
All my life, I had felt nothing but helpless. But this was something different. This was so much more than that. I would be trading one monster for another. Only this monster had a claim to my virginity, whether I was willing to give it up or not.
Father laid a heavy hand on my shoulder. Years of training kicked in and I held still.
“Let’s go,” he said coldly as he directed me out of the doctor’s office. I meekly followed.
We got in the Town Car, and I sat on the seat closest to the window and as far away from my father as possible. It wasn’t like he noticed. He already had his phone out, doing whatever it was that he did on his phone, while I stared mindlessly out the window.
Nothing had changed so far, but I had a feeling something big was about to happen.
I hope he fucking breaks you on your wedding night. I heard the bastard has a real fondness for blood.
Dr. Russo’s words came back, settling heavily in my stomach. I was going to be sick.
But I couldn’t show any emotion. I couldn’t.
It would only invite more unwanted attention from my father, and that was the last thing I wanted.
Suddenly, I felt the heat of his eyes on me. I shifted nervously in my seat before I forced my shoulders to stop tensing. I didn’t look at him.
“You’re coming for dinner tonight,” Father said, an odd note to his voice. I looked down at my lap and nodded. A show of submission.
“Still not going to talk?”
I didn’t mistake the anger in his voice. My mutism irritated him. Sometimes I wished I didn’t feel like throwing up whenever I tried to open my mouth to talk, but then the last memory I had of Mom would stop me, and everything would become blurry right before the start of a panic attack.
I couldn’t speak.
No matter what he did to try and force it out of me, and he hadtriedplenty of things and plenty of time.
I shudder in revulsion at the memory. I still bared the scar on my left rib cage from one particularly memorable incident. The last time he tried to get me to talk, I really did try to. I ended up throwing up on his shoes.
He left the issue mostly alone … for now.
And now, after going so long without talking, I realized now I didn’t want to.
“You’re a useless piece of shit. Just like your mother. I’ll be happy to wash my hands of you soon.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“Wear something nice, understand?”
Again, I nodded.
“Light colors only.” He grabbed my arm and I let out a small cry, my gaze moving over to meet his dark eyes. He got close to me, his hot breath fanning over my face. I calmed my expression and took him in. “Someone important is coming over for dinner tonight. You’d better not fuck it up. Do you hear me, girl? You’re going to be a good little girl tonight and you’re going to do as I say, understand?”
I nodded quickly, tears stinging my eyes when he tightened his grip on my arm. I was going to bruise there later, no doubt about it.
He shoved me away, and my back hit the door. I watched him warily as he went back to his phone, his thumbs moving idly over the screen, while I tried to get my heart rate under control.
Letting out a silent sigh, I fought for composure, before adjusting myself back in my seat and looking out the window once more, watching as the dry and bleak climate of Arizona passed me by.
I was sure Arizona had plenty of people.
But I hadn’t seen much of anyone since we moved here when I was thirteen. That was also the year my father pulled me out of school and my education was left to private tutors—some of whom were just as scared of my father as I was, some of whom admired him, and some who were only using me to get close to him.