And as soon as she closed the door, it was like layers upon layers of armor were peeling away from her body, and she had not given it permission to do that. She had cried at the clinic. But that had been different. It had still been controlled. She’d still been protected.
But just now, she felt as if she had been hollowed out. As if there was nothing but misery contained inside of her.
Weakness.
A weakness that she strove always to hide.
A weakness she tried to ignore, but Gunnar had started to pick away at her defenses. When he’d brought up their childhood...
She wanted to howl, but she didn’t. Instead she doubled over, a silent wail forcing her lips open, no sound coming out.
What had she done? A baby? She replayed everything that she had said to Gunnar over these past hours. The child could sit outside of conference rooms. Her childhood had been wonderful. Such an education. Traveling the world.
Lonely.
Lonely.
Lonely.
The honesty that lived beneath all those words assaulted her now.
She wanted to kick something. Wanted to rage.
Her childhood hadn’t been wonderful. That thought made her feel like a terrible person. Like she was betraying the father who had raised her alone, the father she loved so much.
But it had been isolation. The reason that she had all these complicated feelings for Gunnar was that he was one of the only other human beings she knew. She didn’t have friends. She had a... strange relationship with a man that she had a business rivalry with. She was obsessed with him because she knew nothing and no one else.
Was this what she was consigning a child to? A life of... And what would she even have? Because Gunnar was now claiming he was going to take Ambient from her. And what would she do if she lost the company? Then all of her life, all of her childhood, all of the everything that she had ever worked for would mean nothing. Nothing.
She felt exhausted by her own misery. And she hadn’t even fully given in to it yet. But it was like a living thing, digging its claws into her, and making her feel hopeless.
She didn’t know who she was if she didn’t have Ambient.
She didn’t know who she was right now.
And she had no idea how to fix the mess that she had gotten herself into. She had never done a thing beyond what was expected of her. Not ever. Not once.
Until Gunnar. Until she had given in to the need that she felt for him, and look where she was now.
She was currently reaping a particularly awful harvest from a string of bad decisions.
The only bad decisions she had ever made.
And she had no idea how she was going to dig herself back out of this. None at all.
And so she surrendered to her misery. And she wept.
While Olive slept Gunnar was busy having items delivered for her. He also checked with the doctor who said that a blood test could ascertain the parentage of the child as soon as they could get it. And he made an appointment for the doctor to come to the top of the mountain as soon as he was able.
He also arranged to have a large spread of breakfast set out for the two of them. And then he slept for two hours.
He awoke before Olive, and just before the breakfast arrived. Baskets of breads and honey, dates and figs, and hard cheeses. The kind of breakfast you needed when you had been traveling and your body had no idea what time of day it was.
Olive’s entire wardrobe arrived then as well.
He began to brew strong coffee, and it was then that Olive emerged.
In of course the same outfit she had on yesterday, her brown hair halfway released from its bun. Her eyes were swollen, her expression bleak.