He swayed like a tree sustaining a hard gust. “You said—”
“I know what I said and that stands,” she rushed to say. “I don’t want a baby out of spite. I want a child. A family. And before you offer to make one with me, I need you to think about what that would really mean, Leander. Not what it would do to Midas, but what it would do to you. Especially...” She bit the corner of her mouth again. “Especially coming from parents who separated because they couldn’t make it work.”
He sucked air through his teeth and looked away. “That is completely different.”
“No, it’s not. We’re planning to split up. Plenty of couples divorce with little impact on their children, but we would have to figure out how to do that before we start down that road.”
He was still an inscrutable monolith, profile craggy and shadowed, jaw clamped tight.
“Or not,” she mumbled, shrinking into her hunched shoulders. “I don’t want you to have a baby with me for any reason than that you want one. Please don’t agree otherwise, but...” Now she was floundering in the foam, getting knocked about by the choppy waves, unable to fully orient herself, but casting out for that final other thing she wanted. “I thought you should know that I’m open to it. And that...” She searched his profile, wishing she could see inside his head. “That even if you don’t want children, I want...” She couldn’t seem to swallow. Her throat had constricted too much. “I would like a real marriage. If you do,” she ended in another rush.
“Sex.” He grunted out the word like a caveman, swiveling his head to pin her to the bed. “You want sex. Unprotected sex.”
Her heart was thudding so loud, she thought he must hear it across the room, calling to him like a drumbeat.
“Only if you do.” She wanted to die. To smother herself in the pillows around her, but she was unable to move, unable to tear her eyes from his edgy, wolfish expression.
“I do.” He sauntered toward her, holding her gaze. When he was close enough, he cupped her cheek.
She didn’t pull back. In fact, his touch felt so good, her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. When she opened them, her whole body was trembling with nerves. A bigger jolt went through her as she read the hunger in his eyes, completely undisguised.
She might have been alarmed by that glimpse of unfettered lust, but he wasn’t making any other move beyond caressing her cheek with his thumb, letting her see the intensity of his desire and that he could control it.
“I, um—” She could hardly form words. Her lips were nerveless, her voice a wavering sound in her throat. “I thought we could wait until our wedding night, though?”
“Quaint.” His mouth twisted ruefully and he dropped his hand to his side.
“Only because...” She had to tell him. Had to. But she was worried about his reaction. Would he laugh? Dismiss her? There was only one way to find out. “I’m kind of a virgin.”
Leander’s soul briefly left his body before he slammed back to his earthly form in a discordant rush.
“Kind of?” he repeated.
“I am,” Ilona confirmed, chin tucking defensively. “The yacht was the farthest I’ve ever gone with anyone.”
“You’ve never had sex. With anyone.” Leander couldn’t match up the sensually abandoned woman who had exploded in his arms, the woman who had recalibrated his gauge for pleasure, the one who haunted his dreams every night, with the words that had just come out of her mouth.
“Correct.”
“Then why the hell did you have that screen for STIs?” He wasn’t modest, but the questions and exam were pretty damned personal. She shouldn’t have put herself through all that when he hadn’t even asked for it.
“I was mad at you,” she said to her manicure. “And it wasn’t your business until I decided it was your business.”
Such an exasperating woman. He frowned, compelled to ask, “How old are you?”
“Twenty-four. And it’s not that I’m against sex before marriage. It’s Midas. I’ve spent my whole life denying myself, worried that every little thing I want to do will only bring negative attention from my family. It’s my body. If I want to have sex, I can have sex.” Her back shot straight and her chin thrust out with defiance.
“Agreed,” he said, more at a loss than he’d ever been in his life.
“And if I’m going to have sex, it should be with someone who...” She cleared her throat. “Makes me want to have sex. Right?” The dignity and logic she was using to hide her discomfiture was adorable.
“You’re talking about me, right?” He pointed at himself. “I’m the one who makes you want to knock boots?”
“If you’re laughing at me, then definitely not you.”
“I’m not.” He was laughing at the situation and only because he was so astonished. Very little got by him, yet she continued to shake up his presumptions about her.
“Can I ask you one more thing?” Her dark eyes went wide with vulnerability.