The back of my neck warms with embarrassment. “Are you sure he wasn’t talking about the Sanctum?”
“Cat, I’m trying to tell you something important. I’m…” Remi exhales in exasperation. “I was stupid, all right? I swear I’ll never go to Pleasure Road again. I’ll never call you Kitten or say cruel things. I’ll never try to tell you what to do. Just…” He hesitates and takes a deep breath. “Promise that you’ll stay. Here. With me. Forever.”
Oh.
It’s several seconds before I’m able to say anything. “Remi…,” I begin gently, and his face crumples.
“Is it Simon?” he spits. “You know the provost is looking for him, right? They’re saying he’s the one who killed those women.”
“Not everyone thinks he did.”
“Then why did he run?” Remi demands. “Unless he had something to hide?”
“I don’t know, Remi!” I snap. “Perhaps he saw how the magister was treated when he surrendered to his arrest.”
Remi snorts. “Even if Simon is innocent, he wouldn’t forgive you for not saying what you knew about the magister’s hammer, but I understand why you wouldn’t. I actually admire it.”
“This has nothing to do with him.” Simon’s rejection only anhour ago is still raw, and I rub my temple against the tears gathering behind my eyes. “Things are just complicated right now. The magister is still in prison, a murderer is loose, and so much has to be done at the Sanctum…”
Hope springs in his eyes. “Then you’re not saying no?”
I take a few seconds to imagine what kind of life it would be, and the vision isn’t terrible. Only a month earlier, it might have even been ideal. But that was before Perrete and Simon and magick. I’m not the same person I was a few weeks ago. I don’t know where I fit anymore, but Remi matters to me, and I don’t want to hurt him.
Finally, I sigh. “I’m saying I don’t know.”
Remi exhales heavily. “All right,” he says hoarsely. “I need to be at the work site by dawn. If—if you’re up to it, I hope you’ll come today. I’ve missed having you there. For more than one reason.”
“I’ll come.”
My answer encourages him more than it should. He puts his free hand to my cheek and leans down. “In the meantime, I’ll do everything I promised,” he whispers. “I’ll be worthy. You’ll see.”
I want to tell him that none of that matters, that my hesitation doesn’t come from annoying nicknames and teasing, or even from his visits to Pleasure Road. But I can’t because his lips are suddenly on mine.
A part of me craves the comfort and forgiveness he offers, but this isn’t something I can allow; it’s not fair to him. He ends the kiss before I can, however, and withdraws, vanishing up the stairs to his own room.