“Sure, how about we head upstairs to the nursery? We can put Astrid down and talk.”
He carries the car seat with Astrid nestled asleep inside up the stairs. I follow just a few short steps behind him.
I should have told him the truth in the car. Waiting is going to make it worse. It’s like a band-aid that needs to be ripped off fast to make it painless.
He leads me down the hall to his room. He opens the door, letting me inside. His scent is overwhelming, permeating every inch of his bedroom. In the corner beside the bed is a bassinet for Astrid.
“The nursery is just through this door,” he says, leading me through the adjoining room and into Astrid’s bedroom.
Inside there’s a crib, changing table, and a rocking chair near the window. I’ve seen the nursery a few times, but only while I was pregnant. I’d never gone through Jace’s room to enter either.
He places the car seat on the floor and bends down, unbuckling Astrid from the seat.
She stirs as he guides her out of the seat and around the buckle. Her cheeks redden, and I’m waiting for the sudden wail of a crying infant.
I’m not mistaken. Astrid has a set of lungs on her that can probably be heard through the entire compound.
That girl can cry and wake the dead.
Jace groans and lifts her to his chest, bouncing her in his arms, trying to calm her down. “Shh,” he says, attempting to soothe Astrid. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Her cheeks are red as she screams her discontent.
I watch from across the room. It’s not my place to intervene. Astrid is his daughter. She’s no longer mine.
“Shit,” I curse, realizing I’m leaking breastmilk through my t-shirt. “Do you mind if I—”
“You want to feed her?” Jace asks, his eyes wide, filled with hope.
I was asking if I could borrow a shirt, but he’s practically handing over Astrid to me. His arms are outstretched for me to take the weeping baby.
Cradling Astrid into my arms, I carry her over to the rocking chair and sit. My t-shirt is soaked, so I remove it and toss it to the floor. It’s not like Jace hasn’t seen me breastfeed before. Astrid is still wailing her highest pitch imaginable until I finally get situated and her to latch on.
How do I tell Jace that I’m not back for good? That I only suggested that I come here because I needed to warn him about Luka?
Staring down at Astrid, I don’t want to leave. This is exactly where I should be with her.
But what about Jace?