"Good," she says. "Now exhale."
I release a heavy sigh and run my hands through my hair. Already, I'm less spacy and more grounded.
"Do you get panic attacks often?" Madisyn asks.
"That wasn't—"
Her disapproving glare forces me to shut my mouth.
"No," I say. I wouldn't have classified it as a panic attack, but it was something that I didn't want to experience again. "Sorry about that."
"You don't need to apologize," Madisyn says. She grabs her purse and her phone. "How about we meet downstairs in ten? I want to call home and let Mikhail know that I will be late."
"Okay. Can you not mention to him about Luka?"
A wide grin splays across her face. "That's what I was going to open with. Do you mean I shouldn't?"
Gosh, she's cheeky. I purse my lips together. "I know you're joking."
"Relax. I won't say anything to Mikhail about Luka being your baby daddy."
I grimace at her use of the terminology. "Can we not do that? Please." I stand and grab my purse, shoving my phone back inside. "But eventually, I need to talk to Luka. But let's not call him my baby daddy. Okay?"
"Do you want me to invite him out tonight?" Madisyn asks.
"To girls’ night?" My voice catches in my throat. That's the worst idea. I'm not ready to see him after three years. I don't have decent clothes on or my hair and makeup done. Not that it should matter. I'm engaged, but I still want to look presentable. Okay, not that I'd tell Madisyn, but I want to look knockout gorgeous when I meet with Luka.
Madisyn heads for the door. "On second thought, I'd rather be a fly on the wall, not a spectator at the table. Things could get dicey."
My jaw drops, and I choke on her words. There is no chance that Madisyn will be joining us when I drop the news on Luka that our one little tryst ended up with an eight-pound baby girl nine months later.
"Yeah, you're not invited when I tell Luka he's Bay's father."
"Fair enough," Madisyn says, holding her hands up as a mock surrender. She doesn't sound the least bit offended, and I'm not intending to insult her, but it's not a conversation to be discussed with friends when you drop that kind of anvil on a one-night stand.
"Ten minutes?"
"Yeah," I say, and she heads out, phone in hand. I assume she's going to talk to her boyfriend.
I run a comb through my hair and add a bit of lipstick before heading downstairs. Madisyn ought to be ready by now. I glance at my phone. There are no missed calls. No texts from Mark. He's not the kind of boyfriend to check-in or text me during the day. I chalk it up to the fact that he knows I'm busy and don't have time for chit-chat.
I dial his cell phone, and it takes three rings before Mark picks up the call.
"Everything okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, I just wanted to say hi."
"I'm kind of busy right now," Mark says. "Bay's still at preschool. I'll swing by and get her on my way home. I didn't forget."
"Okay, thank you." I always feel like a hindrance when I call.
He ends the call without so much as a goodbye. "Yeah, I love you too," I mutter to myself. I try to be understanding. I recognize that he's swamped, that this is the busy time of year for his job.
It still sucks that I feel like a second thought if even that. Maybe a third.
I'm probably just hormonal and need a night away from Mark to have fun, chill out, and unwind.