Fuck this texting. He hit the phone icon, and she answered on the second ring. “Are you wearing panties?” he asked by way of greeting.
“Yes, you loon. I am fully clothed still.” She was slightly breathless. Teasing him must be turning her on.
“So, slide them to the side or take them off.” He worked to keep any sort of desperation out of his voice.
“Dex, we’re not having phone sex.” He could almost feel her rolling her eyes. It didn’t matter; he liked challenges. “Why would you make me a vibrator?”
Dex smiled at the question. The answer was obvious; he wanted to be the only guy she thought about when she got off. “I’m giving you a preview.” She scoffed before he continued. “Let’s put it like this: when you walk through the cosmetics section of a department store you have a lot of options, and the helpful people at the counter offer you in-store samples. But, the well-prepared reps provide samples that you can take home and try a few times. You know. See how it works with your body before you get the real thing.”
“Per your example, I would have to decide to want the real thing…”
“You want it; you just have to admit it.” She hummed with disagreement.
“I want a black one, Dex.” Dex swallowed a sigh. He had a lot of work to do. Their chemistry was almost magical, and she chose to be stuck on one insignificant detail.
“I can make another faux-wee in black. The colors are optional.”
“Man, Dex. I want a black man. Did you just call it a faux-wee?”
“Yes. Tell me your list.”
“My list?”
“Yes. Your list. You obviously have an idea of the perfect guy in that pretty head of yours.”
Cayla hummed like she was thinking. “Hmmm. Let’s see. He would need to be dependable and loyal, driven, self-sufficient…” She paused. Dex imagined her face scrunched up in concentration as she mentally double-checked her list. “…And a sense of humor.”
Dex rolled his eyes with such exaggeration that it rivaled Robert Downey Jr’s GIF; in fact, he sent her said GIF.
“What?” Her voice was laced with irritation.
“Your boring, generic ass list is what.”
Cayla scoffed. “There is nothing wrong with my list. Most women want stability and loyalty.”
“Well, get a pet or buy a new car. There is always more to a living, breathing man, and you’d be bored in ten minutes if a man with just those exact qualities was presented to you.”
“I would not!” Dex smiled, he almost believed her indignation.
“Yes, you would. That is not what women want.”
Another scoff. “And you are an expert?”
“Nope, but I’ve paid enough attention to know those stock answers are bullshit, and women really need to stop lying to themselves.”
“Do tell, Guru of Women, what do we want?”
“Well, chemistry for starters. If there isn’t something appealing about the guy, you’re not going to take the time to get to know him. To figure out the things you named would require getting to know him first.” Dex shifted to a more comfortable position and settled in for his speech. “Women say this crap, but everything y’all do contradicts the list.”
“In what way?” she asked, not really convinced.
“Well, the example I just gave you for one. Two, every romantic comedy you run to, every top-selling love story you buy, and every good love song you download all point to something completely different. Desire.”
Silence. Now he had her attention. “I’ve been dragged to quite a few of those movies and most of the time, if there is more than one love interest the nice one gets left. The guy you described is banished to friend zone hell because he didn’t make her wet.” She gasped. “Yup. He had all the right qualities on paper, but something was missing. Women want a man to protect and fight for her, to pay attention to whatever the fuck random shit pops into her head, remember the big stuff, notice the small things, and love everything else in between. Women want to be the center of her man’s world, within reason. Do you know what else you want, Cayla?”
“What?” she prompted barely louder than a whisper.
“You want that I-feel-like-I’m-going-to-die-if-I-don’t-kiss-you-soon, we’ll-run-to-each-other-across-the-beach, we-could-get-caught kind of passion.” Dex sipped his water before continuing. “You also want white-hot, bone melting, toe curling, back scratching, sheet gripping, pillow biting, earth-shattering orgasms.”