Blindly believing his words would be stupid, and yet I hoped he wasn’t wrong. I hoped Luca would believe me, that he wouldn’t automatically side with his father or mine. “It’s also a long story, so buckle up.”
“I’m safely buckled and ready.”
“What I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone else, do you understand?” When Luca said nothing to that, I added, “Please, promise me, Luca. I need you to promise me, because what I want to tell you is… it’s not something you can tell anyone else, okay? Let’s leave it at that.”
“I won’t. You have my word, Giselle.” Luca’s mouth thinned into a line, his easygoing demeanor gone—I hoped it was only temporary. I hoped that smile would return and he would be just as kind and comforting and warm as the Luca in my dream had been.
You know, minus the sex and the kissing and all that.
My stomach hurt in anticipation, dread creeping up my spine. I couldn’t fight it, couldn’t shake it off. The weight of what I had to tell him, my suspicions and the reasons behind them, were some of the worst things ever.
“Have you heard of the Greenback Serpents?” I asked.
“Yeah, they’re some gang. I think I’ve heard my father talk about them, but what do they have to do with anything?”
“When I was in the hospital, I got a get well card from their leader, Atlas. No one knows who he is, in spite of years of trying. The Serpents have been a pain in my father’s ass, but they usually steered clear of us and our business. A week before we moved to Cypress, I found three Serpents in the church I normally go to. They’d killed the priest, and they were looking for stuff to steal. I… I killed them.” I told him all of this in a low voice. Music played on speakers in the ceiling, but it wasn’t that loud; this was a hushed conversation if there ever was.
“They followed you here. Do you think they’re the ones who shot you? I thought maybe it was someone who wanted your father out of the running, but—”
“No. I mean, yes, they followed me here, but no, I don’t think they’re the ones responsible for it. Not anymore.” Those last two words came out heavier than they should’ve, and Luca noticed.
“Not anymore? What changed?”
“My father made a comment today. Normally, I would’ve let it go, but… something about it didn’t sit right with me.” I replayed what he’d said in my brain, how it had come across as a threat. “I think my father had one of his men shoot me—not to kill me, but to hurt me. To warn me that I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing. To punish me.”
Luca’s mouth fell agape. “What? No way. No, I don’t believe that. There’s no way your father would want to put you in harm’s way. I mean, he needs you to get on the Hand.”
“If he needs me, then why is he dangling an engagement between us? If he doesn’t want to punish me, then why would he marry me off to your family?”
He was quiet for a while. “Why would marrying into my family be a punishment?”
I stared at him. I stared at him for a good, long time, letting his innocent curiosity sink in. He really had no idea about what his father got up to. He had no clue about the sins of either of our fathers.
“The night of the Black Hand party wasn’t the first time I met your father,” I said. “Three years ago, he and my father did business together.” My stare fell to the table between us, unable to look him in the eyes while I said this next part. “Part of the arrangement was a night with me.”
Luca blinked. It took him far too long to say, “What?” It sounded like the air was knocked out of his lungs, like I’d punched him right where it hurt, and he struggled to regain himself. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying my father has a history of not caring what he does to me, because when I was fifteen years old, he gave me to your father for one night,” I whispered. “One night, but it felt like an eternity.” My voice broke, “I was fifteen, Luca, but he didn’t care. Neither of them did.”
He shook his head. “No. There’s no way—”
I regained myself, my voice coming out strong as I accused, “Are you calling me a liar?” If I was him, I’d be very careful of what I said next. Just because the knife that came with the silverware wasn’t sharp didn’t mean I couldn’t use it to do some damage. I wasn’t afraid of staining this white outfit with red.
He seemed to realize how much of an asshole he’d be if he called me a liar, for he then shook his head. “No, no, I’m not.”
“Are you saying I’m mistaken in who I was forced to give my virginity to?” That got him to stare at me, his complexion paling. “Trust me when I say this, Luca: I had his face memorized. I had every part of him memorized, just like the rest of that night.”
When he said nothing at all, I added, “See? I told you there were things about me you didn’t know. I told you, didn’t I? You won’t ever look at me the same way again. Why would you? I’m tarnished goods. I’m not pure, not fit to be a wife to a mafia kingpin’s son.”
He finally opened his mouth, seconds from saying something, but I didn’t stop myself. I went on, “What if I tell you that I tried to find myself in the church afterward? What if I tell you that I tried to be like my mother, talk to a priest, confess my sins? That I blamed myself?” The silence between us was too hard, too heavy; I hated it, but I couldn’t stop. “I tried to throw myself off a bridge. The only reason I’m still here is because of that priest those Serpents put a bullet in.”
Luca didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
Right then, the waitress came over with our food, sliding the plates before us. She was quite a happy, sunshine-y lady, the very opposite of us both. “If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask. Enjoy your meals.” With a bounce in her step, she sauntered off, leaving us alone once again.
I was hungry before, but now? Now touching that food was the last thing on my mind. I stared at him, wishing I could be inside his head, know what he was thinking. He didn’t get up and storm off, so I guess that was a good thing.
Still, he had to think of me differently. There was no way he’d… no possible way he’d still want to be with me after knowing the truth. Who would want sloppy seconds from their father? The thing with Shay and the Jameson men notwithstanding, of course, because that was different. This was on another level.
This was just fucked up.