And it was ridiculous. That was the thing. I already wrestled with feelings for Zander; now that I’d gone to the Playground and forced myself to overcome my aversion to touch, it was like everything inside of me had gone wild. Like I couldn’t control my own emotions anymore. I felt like a different person, and I had no idea how to shut it off.
What if I couldn’t? What if this was just the new me? I didn’t know what to think about that.
I made it to the restroom, the door swinging open and hitting the wall behind it from the sheer force I used to push inside. I didn’t see anyone, so when I made it to the sink, I let myself grimace and hold onto my side, right over the wound.
At least I didn’t get winded from stairs anymore, but my body was definitely not up to the level it had been before. Who knew getting shot could fuck so much shit up inside your body? I pulled my hand off, gripping the edge of the counter and staring at myself in the mirror. With my gloves on, I couldn’t feel the granite counter, but the coldness of the stone still seeped through the fabric, chilling me. Or maybe that chill was left over from my talk with Luca.
Luca. I wasn’t going to marry him. I wasn’t. It didn’t matter if I was growing feelings for him or not. I wasn’t going to continue being a pawn for my father. No, I wanted to take that bastard down, somehow.
I needed help doing it, though—so maybe I should suck it up, go back out there, and flirt with Luca. If he would go against his own father for me, maybe that meant I could get him on my side when it came to mine. After all, Luca owed no allegiance to my father.
But what could the two of us do? I didn’t rightly know, but I had to be alert and cognizant of any sabotaging opportunity that might present itself.
A noise alerted me to someone else’s presence in the restroom, and someone walked out of a stall. I turned to see who it was, and I met the dark brown eyes of the girl whose boyfriends I was told to steal.
Shay Arrowwood.She must’ve gone to the restroom when I was busy talking to Luca, because the last thing I knew, she was in a group of her boyfriends and Piper.
She looked downright stunning in a tight, dark red dress. It ended on her thighs, showing a lot of leg—toned, muscled leg. The same color was on her lips, her brown hair wearing loose waves. With heels just as high as mine, she was about an inch taller than me.
“I was giving you time to have your breakdown and get back out there, but you’re taking longer than I thought,” Shay said, moving to the sink beside mine and washing her hands. “I didn’t want to be stuck in that stall forever.”
“I’m not having a breakdown,” I told her.
She finished washing her hands and shrugged, going over to the hand dryer and sticking her hands in. “This place has seen a lot of breakdowns, so I’m not judging.”
“I’m not having a breakdown.” Again, I repeated it, more firmly this time, and Shay turned toward me once her hands were dry. She folded her arms over her chest and stared at me, dark brows furrowing. She didn’t look impressed, but neither was I. I knew she’d gained respect from the Hand with everything she’d done, everything she’d been through, but I wasn’t afraid of her or what she could do.
It was a moment before Shay spoke again, “I thought about visiting you at the hospital, but I didn’t.”
I was well aware of that, and I didn’t know why she felt the need to tell me. She didn’t ask how I was feeling, or anything silly like that. Why would she care about me? We were strangers to each other. We weren’t friends.
“Atticus is looking into any nearby cameras he can get his hands on,” she said. “He wants to find out who shot you as much as you do. If it was one of the others… well—” Shay dropped her arms to her sides, taking a few measured steps in my direction. Her voice lowered to a whisper: “Until one of you is chosen, you’re all being viewed as Hand members, and Hand heirs. If someone comes after you, they come after all of us. That’s how the Hand works. You don’t remember anything?”
I shook my head. I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her my suspicions pointed to a gang called the Greenback Serpents, that my father and I might’ve brought them here, to Cypress, all because they’d followed us. Because of me. Because I’d killed a few of their own in retaliation to what they did to Father Charlie.
“Well, we’re going to find out who did it, and when we do, you’ll have first crack at them.” With that, Shay smiled, and in that moment, I could easily picture her getting her hands dirty, covering them with blood. It was a very bloodthirsty smile.
“Thanks, I think.”
Shay leaned on the counter beside me. “You’re quite the topic of conversation around here, you know.” When I stared at her quizzically, I must’ve prompted her to add, “The others. They can’t seem to stop talking about you. Especially that Luca guy. He can’t get enough of you. I think he likes you.” She laughed. “I think a lot of them like you, but that’s the thing about belonging to a family like yours. And like mine. When I came back, everyone was tripping over their dicks to get to me.”
“And look at you now.”
“Well, in the beginning, I planned on using them, then killing them. Destroying the Black Hand from the inside-out. I didn’t think… let’s just say I didn’t think it would turn out like this.” The restroom walls blocked out most of the music, but every now and then the base of whatever song was playing seeped through.
“And now you’re dating all of them.”
Shay grinned. She was a very pretty girl; I could see why they’d all tripped over themselves to get with her. You could tell just by a quick glance she was strong, too. She could easily handle herself around these men. “I am. Definitely didn’t see it coming, but I’m not going to complain. They, as cheesy as it sounds, complete me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.” That was the most heartfelt thing Shay had ever said to me—not that she’d said much at all before this.
“It must be nice,” I said, “to find a group of guys who are willing to share you like that. I can’t even imagine one man making me feel like that.” Or maybe I could, and that’s why I’d had to come into this restroom.
“I know what it’s like, being in your position,” Shay said. “It’s not easy, wanting more. Even when I was a girl, I knew I wanted more than to be just a wife and a mother to the next generation.” She glanced down, at the floor, for a few seconds, and then those eyes were back on me. “It took my world ending for me to take what I wanted. It doesn’t have to be like that for you, you know. You’re strong. I can see it. You can take what you want from this life and make no apologies.”
If someone would’ve asked me if I thought I’d be in a restroom with Shay Arrowwood, getting advice from her, I would’ve laughed. And yet here I was, doing just that.
“And if your parents were still alive? Would you have the same advice for me then?” I asked.
Shay thought about it. She turned, leaning her ass against the counter, head tilted up, her eyes now on the ceiling. “I guess it’s hard for me to imagine a world like that. It’s been like this for so long, sometimes I forget what it used to be like.”