“You all right if I let you go?” Zander asked. When I nodded, he released me and went to the window, drawing the blinds to shield us from the hallway and anyone walking by, then to the bag my clothes were in.
I had to hold onto the edge of the bed to keep myself steady; turned out, being bed-bound for so long had made me a little weak.Not only would I have to work on re-strengthening my midsection, but I’d also have to get my strength back in other places.
“I hope I brought you good clothes. I didn’t know what… I didn’t know what you’d find comfortable.” He stopped, looking at me with concern on his handsome face as he started pulling out the clothes he’d brought.
Shit. I shouldn’t comment on his looks. Whether he was physically appealing or not didn’t matter. It shouldn’t, at least. Maybe forcing myself to join the Playground and have sex with a stranger—twice—had done more for me than I’d thought.
Or maybe it was because I could’ve died, and nothing would’ve been resolved. That could be it, too. Maybe, subconsciously, I was just done. Done living in the past, done having my father dictate who I was and what I did—and that also included who I did, if you know what I mean.
“It’s all right. I’m sure it’s fine,” I said. I watched Zander pull out the rest of my clothes, and I was pretty sure I saw him blush a little when he pulled out a bra and panties for me. Okay, I might’ve blushed a bit too, but that was because I didn’t really want Zander handling those particular items of mine.
Shit. How the hell was I supposed to get them on? My upper half was stiff thanks to the wound in my gut. This was going to be an adventure. I guess I should be thankful that it was Zander here and not someone else, because, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed help.
I hated needing help. Feeling helpless was the worst feeling in the world, and it reminded me of that night I had tried so desperately to forget.
Zander laid out my clothes, moving to toss the bag they were in into the garbage. Even though it was one of the most difficult things I had to say in my life, I still managed to ask, “Can you help me?”
“Of course,” he said with a nod. “Always.” So eager to help. Not that I thought he would say no; I didn’t think any guy would say no to the chance of seeing me naked, even in this specific capacity.
I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at that. Definitely didn’t need the always part, but that was Zander for you. I lifted my arms to untie the string holding the gown closed behind my neck, under my hair. I managed to get that undone quite easily, but the one halfway down was more of a struggle, and I let out a groan when I tried to put my arms behind me and grab it.
“It got it,” Zander spoke, his voice practically a whisper directly into my ear. I fought the shiver that crept up my spine when his fingers worked on the remaining knots holding the gown together, and once they were all undone, I lifted my hands to my chest as the gown fell down my shoulders.
“My…” I couldn’t say the word aloud, but it was fine, because Zander knew exactly what I meant. He picked up my panties from the pile and walked around to my front, kneeling and holding the pair of underwear open for me, so I could step in.
I had to set a hand on one of his shoulders before stepping into the waiting panties. One foot, then the other, and they were around my ankles. My other hand still held the dress onto my front; flashing Zander wasn’t something I wanted to do, but how was I supposed to pull up the panties while still holding onto the hospital gown? There was no way in hell I’d be able to bend my top half down to reach it, not right now.
Zander’s green eyes flicked up at me, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. The sad thing was, I couldn’t exactly argue with him. Not right now. I needed him and his help—not something I liked admitting.
My hand slid off his shoulder, and Zander was slow to stand, drawing my panties up my legs bit by bit as he went. And, God, did he draw them up slowly. Or maybe that was just how it felt. The tips of his fingers grazed the skin on my legs, and I shuddered involuntarily, unable to hold it in. I wanted to jerk away from him, but I couldn’t, and suddenly I couldn’t stop remembering how his mouth had felt on mine, how good it had felt to throw all caution to the wind and live in the moment.
By the time he’d gotten my panties to where they should be, the fabric resting on my lower hips, he stood so close to me I could feel his chest on the arm that still held the hospital gown against my body. He was so close to me. So close I could feel his warm breath blooming across my face, and I didn’t dare look at him.
If I did, if I met those eyes and saw just how close they were to me, I feared what I’d do.
I wasn’t supposed to like Zander. I was supposed to hate him. It wasn’t a shock that he had some feelings for me; I was the boss’s daughter. I was forbidden fruit. But vice versa, me liking him back? It wouldn’t work.
It couldn’t work. I could never truly trust him.
Could I?
“Zander,” I breathed out his name in a rush, his fingers still resting on my hips, near my panties. My heart beat fast in my chest, pounding away of its own accord, as if it knew exactly what it wanted, and that something was Zander.
“Giselle,” he matched the way I said his name, and I shivered against him. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you… I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that to me, and even though it was probably a bad idea, I tilted my head up and met those beautiful green eyes.
Maybe it was just a cliché, but they said when you were about to die, your entire life flashed before your eyes. When I was shot, nothing had flashed in my head. I didn’t see a quick, fleeting slideshow of my life. Nothing at all. Only shock, confusion, and then concern when Damian had popped his face into my view.
But now, as I gazed into Zander’s eyes, I swore I saw things in my head. Everything in my past, everything that had happened to me, everything I’d done; it had all led up to this, to the me of today. Someone had tried to kill me, and I was still standing. I’d taken my own agency back, felt what my body could do, what true pleasure was like.
I couldn’t change the past, but I could change the future. I wanted to take the reins and never let them go again. I was done sitting on the sidelines, letting my father dictate everything that went on in my life.
And right now, even though it was a terrible idea, I wanted nothing more than to feel Zander’s lips on mine.
The hand holding the hospital gown to my chest moved, and the fabric, no longer being held up by anything, fell to the floor between us. That same hand went to his chest, fingers curling in his shirt, and before I could overthink this, I pulled his top half down and brought his lips to mine.
Zander didn’t do anything right away, which made it clear that I’d startled him by the aggressive, sudden kiss. But then something changed, and he started to kiss me back. Hard and eager, the kiss turned molten, much like our previous one.
I couldn’t get enough. I wanted more, so much more.