As I step into the corridor and close Mackenzie’s door behind me I shut my eyes and stop. Then as carefully as possible I breathe in and out, and grin.
How in fuck’s name did I end up here? This can’t be real. This doesn’t happen to anyone, let alone a widowed single father with three kids and a heart of stone. How the hell did I get so lucky?
Mackenzie is incredible.
She’s an angel - she has to be. There’s no other logical conclusion, and I should treat her like one, but I know I can’t.
She’s damaged, delicate, and perfect, but what she wants from me doesn’t align with that, and nor can I give it. She deserves a Prince, but what she wants and what she has in me is the Beast. That role comes easily to me, but I know I should be both for her. I want to treat her as smoothly as I treat her rough, and it’s a fine balance between the two. It’s a tightrope I’m not used to walking.
She wants me to punish her and correct her, and I can do that - I will relish it - but I sense that deep down she wants more, and I can’t give that to her. Not yet. Maybe not ever, and I hope that’s enough.
I gave Lucy everything, I don’t have much more to give, but while Mackenzie is under my roof, I’ll give her everything I have left, and everything she wants.
I can do that, and I can do it well.
The only problem is this kid, Kyle. I don’t know anything about him and I don’t care to, but what I do know is that I don’t want him taking Mackenzie out on a date. Boys his age want one thing, and I know because that doesn’t change with age. I can’t stop her either. I don’t have the right to, but I don’t like it.
I don’t like it at all.
I push away from her door, but as I move towards the stairs I hear the soft click of Thea’s door closing and I freeze.
Could she have seen me coming out? I think to myself, guilt flooding my chest as my stomach twists in panic. Had she seen me go in?
Fuck.
There’s already a chasm between me and my eldest daughter, and it’s one I have no idea how to heal, but in the last few days it feels like something has changed, and I know it’s because of Mackenzie. I look back toward her door, my heart beating in my chest, and then my eyes flick to Thea’s again.
I have no intention of making my feelings toward Mackenzie known, but I know we’re playing a dangerous game. If I have to choose between them, then there is no choice. But I don’t want to stop either, and I hope to fuck none of them make me.
My rational brain kicks in again as I breathe, and I know what I need to do right now, and it’s the one thing that I do best.
Walk away. Say nothing. Do nothing.
Carry on.
*