I heard their voices.
I saw their faces.
I felt my dad’s teardrops fall on my face.
I tried reaching out to him, but my hands wouldn’t move—like my bones were made of concrete.
I tried screaming, but the sound was trapped in my throat.
My eyes were open.
My body was alive.
But I was frozen, lying on my bed while my father sat next to me.
My dad said goodbye. He asked me why. As if I weren’t right here, staring at him, willing him toseeme.
There was no pain, though it felt like there should be. Like I was standing in a room consumed with flames, yet none of them touched me.
What was happening to me?
My mind screamed. It screamed and screamed.
My body flailed. I thrashed and thrashed.
Nothing.
Not a single thing.
There was another man, a short, stout man, talking to my dad. I heard the wordsdrug overdoseand wanted to cry, but the tears never came.
No.
No, no, no.
The last thing I remembered was sending Lincoln home after he’d showed up with a line of cocaine on his dick, telling me to try it.
I let him fuck me, but there was no way I was putting that shit up my nose—or in my mouth. He ended up leaving trails of powder all over me, all inside of me. He fucked me, licked me, and kissed me until my body was covered in coke and cum, and he was too high to stay hard.
He knew better. As soon as I was able to speak again, I was going to curse him the fuck out.
But people didn’t overdose from having a little coke in their vag.
Did they?
Dad leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. It looked like it pained him to even touch me, like the memories of the last time he watched someone he loved drift away from him were too much.
Why couldn’t I move? I needed to let him know I was okay.
“I love you, angel. Daddy’s so sorry he let you down.”
No! Dad! You didn’t let me down. This isn’t right. Something is wrong.
Please, God—if you’re awake and listening—tell him I’m okay.
He moved to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, but the stout man clapped a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he could. Dad stared at me a second longer, and a single tear fell down his cheek.
I’d never seen my father cry. Ever.