SUNNY
He knows.
That’s all I can think for the rest of the night. I pace back and forth in my room for a while, but I never hear Mack come out of his bedroom. He has to know about the baby. Why else would he be demanding we get married?
I sit down at my laptop and log in some grades to try to pass the time. It doesn’t help. My mind keeps racing with so many questions. How in the heck did he find out? How long has he known?
For a brief moment, my heart had given an excited flutter at him demanding that we get married. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of being. And the only person that ever starred in the role of my husband in those dreams was Mack. Hell, I even have a Pinterest board for it, which is crazy.
I’m not into big parties or events, but for some reason, when I let myself pretend I could have a wedding with Mack, my mind always goes to it being big and beautiful. I think it’s because I’ve always thought that if that day were to ever actually come, I’d want to celebrate us.
“You need to eat dinner.” A plate of food appears on my desk. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard Mack come into my room. Before I can even say thank you, he turns to leave but pauses at the door. “Don’t forget our agreement.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“Sunshine.” His tone changes. The second it does, my nipples tighten, and my clit starts to throb.
“Mack.” My face starts to warm, remembering what I agreed to last night. It may have momentarily slipped my mind, but my body is fully aware of our agreement.
“Don’t make me come get you.” With that, he leaves me staring after him once again.
As turned on as I am, I also start to grow angry. Not angry enough to not eat my dinner first. My appetite is out of control. I’m surprised how hungry I am already. I clean my plate, but each second that passes I only grow more pissed off.
He can’t demand I marry him. Why does he think he can boss me around all the time? Okay, I might enjoy it in the bedroom, but this is different. It’s bullcrap. I’m not getting married because I’m pregnant with his baby. This isn’t the Stone Age. Women have babies by themselves these days. Some even plan to have them with their friends because both want a baby but never found their forever person.
That could be us, I suppose. Then again, what would happen if he found someone he loved and really wanted to marry one day? The thought alone makes me want to vomit. Honestly, I’m not sure if it would hurt more to see him with someone else or to be in a marriage with him that we both weren’t in for the right reasons? Both sound truly miserable. I couldn’t allow either of us to go through that. Mack has done so much for me already. I can’t let him make this sacrifice for me. Even though every fiber of my being wants me to. I have to talk him out of this whole marriage thing. We can still raise a baby together without us getting married.
I know Mack will want to be involved in our child’s life. He’ll make a great father, the same as his own. I bet he’d even move his schedule around and not work as much to make sure he was around more.
I lay my hand on top of my stomach, feeling terrible that I’m a bit jealous that he’d cut out time for our baby but he doesn’t do that for me. He will often make sure he’s home to watch a show with me, but most times he works late. It dawns on me suddenly that the baby is the reason he was home early today and made me the fruit Jell-O.
“I’m being a brat,” I whisper to my little peanut. I might be a little sad it wasn't for me, but it only goes to prove how great of a father he’ll be for our little one. This should make me happy, not sad.
I wish things could’ve been different. I should have told Mack sooner about the feelings I have for him. The time never felt right. A tear slips free, remembering the night before my parents passed.
They’d actually asked me if I had a crush on Mack. My blush gave me away instantly. My mom told me to tell him. To be honest, I'd been so scared it would ruin our friendship.
Here I was, the girl from the other side of the tracks who was only at the same school as Mack because I’d gotten in on a scholarship. I’d felt so out of place there, but Mack walked straight up to me and became my friend. I was scared to lose that. Sure he might have agreed to go on a date with me, but what would have happened when it didn’t work out? I’d convinced myself that it wouldn’t work out because we were only in high school. I didn’t think we could make it. My dad was quick to point out that he and Mom had been high school sweethearts.
With their help and encouragement, I’d vowed to tell him the next day, but before I could, I lost them, and my whole world changed. Felicia and Richard took me into their home. The grief consumed me for a few years. The only person that could get me to even smile or laugh for a long time was Mack. He’d been my world, and there was no way I was going to let anything get in the way of the special bond we shared.
Who am I kidding? He still is my everything.
It suddenly dawns on me that I never followed through. The last thing I told my parents I’d do, I never did. Before I can change my mind, I’m on my feet. It’s time to come clean. I can’t keep going on this way.
Either path will be painful, having Mack but him not loving me, or seeing him with someone else. But what if maybe, just maybe, he could love me the way I love him if he knew that was an option?
Mack’s bedroom door stands open. He sits on the edge of his bed, only wearing a pair of sweatpants. His head is down in his hands with his elbows on his knees.
“Mack?” I rush over to him, dropping to my knees in front of him. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re not naked.” I roll my eyes. Here I thought Mack was someone who never thought about sex, and now it seems to be all he thinks about.
“Seriously? What’s wrong? Is this about the getting married thing? I know you didn’t mean it.” His head snaps up.
“Didn’t mean it?” he says through clenched teeth.
“You’re really mad at me,” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Shit, Sunshine, don’t cry.” My bottom lip starts to tremble. I’m making this worse.
“I’m sorry, it’s the baby. Hormones or whatever,” I rush to say.
“Baby?” He gives me a perplexed look. “What baby?”
“Ahhh.” I try to scramble to my feet but trip over myself in the process. Mack snags me around the waist before I can fall. He spins us around, pinning me to the bed.
“Were you about to run from me?” I open my mouth to deny I was but quickly close it when he shoots me a look that dares me to lie.
How do I keep messing this up at every turn?