Hell, even Calli fucking knows it.
So why the fuck is she still trying with me?
I think of her offer to shower with her, to strip bare and finally give her all of me, and a violent shiver rips down my spine.
I really am a coward.
* * *
Ihead for home, but when I come to a junction that I should turn right on to get back into the city, I find myself turning left.
It’s a dangerous move, one I know I’ll probably regret, but while I’m feeling so… vulnerable, it’s the only place I can go. Home isn’t a good idea right now, and Calli is still back with the others, so it’s my only option.
I just have to hope she’s in.
I don’t remember any of the journey after making the decision to come here, and I have to do a double take when I pull up onto the driveway and kill the engine.
I throw the car door open without any hesitation. I’ve made my choice now, and despite the fact that I’m questioning it, I know I can’t back down. She’s probably already seen me, after all.
I discover I’m right not two seconds later when the front door opens.
“Daemon,” Mum sings happily, her smile bright and wide despite the obvious exhaustion etched into every inch of her face.
She opens her arms for me and I act on autopilot, walking straight into them as if I’m a kid again.
“You want coffee?” she asks as soon as she’s closed the door behind us.
“I’ll make it. You look wiped.”
“Thanks, Son,” she mutters lightly. “I’m on nights, but I ended up staying late. Or early, I guess.”
“Shit, you want me to go so you can—”
“No,” she interrupts. “I’ll take that coffee, though. I’m just going to change.”
It’s only as she says it that I notice her blue scrubs under her jacket.
I want to argue again, but she’s gone before I get a chance.
I’m just sitting at the breakfast bar with two steaming mugs of coffee when she reappears, her face clear of makeup and her pyjamas on, ready for bed.
“I won’t stay long,” I promise.
“You’re welcome here as long as you like, you know that.” I smile softly at her, not realising until this moment just how much I’ve missed her.
The last time I was here was with Alex, the night of the Wolves’ riot, so that Mum could patch up his hurty and stop him crying like a little bitch.
“So… how’s it going?” she asks, her brows pinching in concern.
“You already know, I assume?”
“Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?” she offers despite the fact that she already knows I won’t accept it.
I shake my head.
“If you need to get away for a bit, clear your head, focus, then you know you can always make use of Gran’s place. It’s just sitting there empty. And I’m sure there are plenty of jobs you could find yourself when you need a break.”
“Thanks,” I mutter. “I’ll think about it.” Although really, just the thought of being that far away from Calli, even if she hates me right now, makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable.