3
DILLON
Vivien holds it together long enough to say goodnight to Easton, offering reassuring words that most likely sound hollow to her ears. The second East’s bedroom door is closed, I scoop my wife into my arms and race down the hallway, past Bodhi’s closed door and the girls’ bedrooms, heading toward the stairs at the end that leads to our master suite on the next level. Vivien snakes her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder as she clings to me. Her body shakes as she cries silent tears, and my heart is aching for her. For Bodhi too. Though I’m furious at him as well for the things he said to her.
Vivien is already predisposed to blame herself for this.
The last thing she needs is Bodhi cranking the guilt-o-meter to the max.
A sob erupts from Vivien’s mouth when I reach our bedroom door. I hold her tight as I fumble with the door handle, eventually opening it. She bursts into loud, anguished tears as I carry her into the room, slamming the door shut with my foot. The dam breaks, and my wife falls apart in my arms as I stride toward our bed. I sit down and scoot up to the headboard, leaning back against it as I cradle my heartbroken wife in my lap.
Vivien is full-on blubbering, and every agonized cry that tumbles from her mouth tears another strip off my heart. I hug her close, dotting kisses into her hair as she fists my shirt and presses her body flush to me, clinging to me with a desperation that equally hurts and soothes.
I love that my wife turns to me in times of need, but I hate that we are here at all.
I don’t offer platitudes or fake reassurances as she cries. I won’t lie to her like that. The truth is, we are at the start of a harrowing journey with no specific destination and no end in sight, so I won’t tell her everything is going to be okay when we don’t know if it is.
My shirt is soaked by the time Viv stops crying. Tipping her face up, she peers at me with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes and the most forlorn expression. “I have failed him, Dillon,” she croaks over an errant sob. “I should never have made that damn movie. What the hell was I thinking?”
“Sweetheart, don’t beat yourself up over this. I know you’re upset, but you aren’t at fault here. We made that movie for the right reasons, and they still count.” I brush my lips against hers, hating to see her in so much pain. “You have not failed him. You have loved Bodhi with your full heart and given him a happy, secure family life.” I push damp, matted strands of her long brown hair back off her face. “We knew it would come to this. We knew the truth would be hard for the boys. But it’s better than them discovering a warped version of reality via the internet. We’ll support them as they come to terms with it. We’ll answer their questions honestly and continue to shower them with love.”
“What if it’s not enough?” Her gorgeous hazel eyes widen with fear and pain as she slants me with a pleading look.
I wish I had a magic wand to solve this, but it will have to be done the hard way. “It might not be, but there is only so much we can do, Viv,” I softly say, swiping the dampness from her cheeks with my thumbs. “Bodhi is drowning in self-loathing and a multitude of other negative emotions. He is going to lash out at us because we’re the easy targets. He is going to resist any offer of help we suggest. He won’t see what is right in front of his eyes. He won’t want to accept the truth that the past really doesn’t fucking matter. He won’t be able to see it like it is, Viv, because he’s in too much pain and he’s too young to process it.”
I clasp her face in my hands, peering deep into her eyes, which look more green than brown today. “Or maybe he is more mature than I was at his age. Maybe he’ll see through the bullshit quicker than I did. Maybe he’ll cling to us more, knowing he’s so fucking lucky he has us and it doesn’t matter who his bio parents are when he’s surrounded by people who love him like we do.” I shrug though my body is wound up tight, and I’m every bit as concerned as my wife. “We don’t really know how he will react, and we must prepare ourselves for anything and everything.”
“You had a family who loved you, but it didn’t matter. You refused to accept it at face value. You didn’t even tell them when Simon approached you and offered you money in exchange for your silence. You kept it all bottled up inside for years, Dillon.Years.” More tears leak out of her eyes. “What if Bodhi does the same? He is like you in so many ways.”
“He’s also not like me in a lot of other ways. He’s his own person, and we can’t know how he’ll react based on my circumstances and how I dealt with things.”
“You’ve got to admit there are a lot of similarities.” She winds her fingers through my hair, and I feel her touch everywhere. It helps to ground me, like always. “Maybe he’ll listen to you,” she continues, hope glimmering in her eyes. “If you explain how you felt and the things you wish you’d done differently, maybe you can get through to him.”
“You know I will try.” I tilt her face up, running my thumb along her lower lip. “I will do everything in my power to get through to him, but you have to face the fact he might not listen to any of us. He might completely break. All we may be able to do is continuously reassure him of our love and be there to pick up the pieces.”
“God, Dillon. Don’t say that!”
She cries, and I hug her closer again. “This isn’t going to be easy, Viv. You need to prepare yourself for it. There is Easton to consider too. This won’t be easy on him either.”
“No.” She sniffles, sitting back and lifting her head. “There is much for him to process too, and I know him. He’ll downplay his own feelings because his brother will be dealing with so much more. He won’t want to add to our worries, but we can’t let him bottle his feelings up either. He has a right to his anger and his grief too. We need to ensure we look after both boys and that we protect the girls from any fallout.” A hint of determination glints in her eyes.
There’s my girl. There’s my fighter. The woman who would burn the world down to protect those she loves. Viv is going to need all her inner strength to get through the difficult times ahead. And I will be there, right by her side, battling to protect our family and safeguard everything we have built over the years.
Lifting her arm, I bring her wrist to my lips and press a tender kiss to her sensitive flesh. “We are in this together, Vivien Grace. We have an amazing family, and we won’t let this derail us. We will come out swinging and fighting to hold on to what we have built, and that is a rock-solid fucking guaranteed promise.”
“Oh, Dillon.” She repositions herself on my lap, circling her arms around my shoulders as she smiles softly at me. “I love you so much. I couldn’t do this life thing without you.”
“Ditto, Hollywood.” I tweak her nose. “There is no one else I would want to navigate life with than you.” My hands land on her hips, and I give them a gentle squeeze. “We are facing some tough times ahead, but we’ll survive. We will get Easton and Bodhi through this.”
“We won’t ever give up on them.” Steely determination underscores her tone, like I knew it would when she got over her initial pain.
“It’s going to get really rough, Viv. He is going to say horrible things to us. I know, because I did. You need to remember he doesn’t mean it. You need to remember you’re the best fucking mother and you have given your all to these kids. Remember how much trust Reeve placed in you. He always wanted you raising Bodhi, and I know he’s looking down with pride when he sees what a great job you’ve done. This is no measure of you or Bodhi or any of us. It’s a necessary process to deal with the shit hand we were dealt by others. But we will get through this.” I tuck a piece of her hair behind one ear. “What doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.”
She presses her lips against mine in a brief soft kiss. “I love you, Dillon. So fucking much. You are my rock. My world. My desire to keep fighting when things get tough is because you have given me the strength to be the best version of myself.”
“I love you too, Vivien.” I hold her face in my hands. “You have given me everything just by breathing, and I won’t ever stop fighting for our family because I love our life and I will move mountains to ensure we never lose it.”
She stares at me with blatant adoration and the potent need that always lingers at the back of her eyes. “Make love to me, Dil. I need to feel our connection now more than ever.”