“What the fuck, Bo? Stop this.”
With my free hand, I punch him in the stomach, but it lacks power because my limbs aren’t cooperating and I can’t pack any strength behind it. “I am sick of you always coming first,” I hiss.
“C’mon, bro. That is not true, and you know it. Mom and Dad have always treated us equally.”
I swing for him again, glancing the side of his jaw with my fist before he pushes me away. “Stop trying to fight me.”
“He choseyou!” I yell, wrapping an arm around my middle as intense pain jumps up and slaps me from within. “He gave me up without any hesitation because he loved you and he loved Vivien. I was nothing to him!” I roar, not even aware tears are rolling down my face until salty moisture trickles over my lips. “It’s a miracle he didn’t agree to let Saffron abort me. He would have done the world a favor if he did.”
“No, Bo. No.” East lunges toward me, and I seize the opportunity, thrusting my fist in his face and landing a decent blow to his nose. East stumbles back, losing his footing as he trips on one of his laces, tumbling to the ground.
I jump on top of him, pummeling him with my fists. “I hate you. I hate he picked you. I hate I will always be second best. That I’m never good enough for anyone.” I lash out with my words and my fists, and East just takes it. “Fight me, you coward!” I land a particularly vicious punch to his temple, and his eyes darken as murderous rage finally sweeps over his features.
Features I hate are so similar to mine.
Then it’s on.
We roll around the garden, punching, kicking, and grappling with one another, and it’s the most alive I have felt in weeks. Pain rattles around my skull and spreads across my stomach as East enters the spirt of things, but I don’t care, continuing to throw punches and shout insults at my brother.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Dad says, appearing out of nowhere and grabbing me off Easton.
I thrash about in his arms, continuing to expel insults and expletives as I watch Vivien help East to his feet. My brother is clutching his side as Mom inspects his swollen nose and the bruise mushrooming on his cheek. I’d say I fared the same, if not worse, but I don’t care. It felt good to do that.
“This has got to stop,” Mom says, imploring me with her tone and the pleading expression on her face. “Please, Bodhi. Please stop this.”
“He was fighting me too!” I yell, struggling to get out of the vise-grip Dad has me in. “But, of course, you take his side! Everyone is always on his side.”
“That is not true, and you know it,” Dad says.
“Bullshit! I always come last! Reeve sacrificed me so he could have Vivien and Easton. He didn’t give a shit what happened to me. Abandoning their baby was so easy for him and Saffron.”
“We need to talk about this—properly talk about this,” Mom says, walking closer to me. “There is so much you don’t know. Things you need to let us tell you.”
Tears stream down her face, and for a second, I hate I’m the one who put them there. But it quickly passes; incinerated by the raging anger that burns continuously through my veins. “I know you took me in out of pity and guilt. Did it make you feel less foolish, Vivien? Was it your way of proving you were better than them? Take in the poor orphan and appease the knowledge you were the reason my father gave me away. Raise me with the golden boy and pretend like you weren’t the catalyst for all of this.”
“That’s enough,” Dad snaps, tightening his hold around my body, but I’m only hitting my stride now.
“You were such a dumb bitch, Vivien. You let both of them play you, and you continuously forgave them. You’re as weak as Reeve.”
East pulls his mom into a hug, tugging her back as he glares at me with something akin to loathing.
Good.
At least the feeling is mutual now.
“This isn’t you,” she says, hastily swiping at the tears coursing down her face. “This is anger and whatever drugs you pumped into your body because I see your eyes rolling in your head. I know you’re on something, and it’s okay. It will be okay.”
I laugh because she is so fucking delusional. “I’m just living up to my birthright. Reeve threw you under the bus for a high, and so will I. I might not look like her, but Saffron’s blood flows through my veins. I was always destined to be a junkie. Nothing was ever going to save me from this fate.”
“No one believes that bullshit,” Dad says, turning me around and grabbing me by the upper arms. “Least of all you. You are your own person, Bodhi. You are not the sum of the people who gave you life.”
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite!” I yell. My stomach churns, and nausea crawls up my throat. “You turned to sex, drugs, and booze when you discovered the truth, or did I misinterpret that part of the movie?”
“Don’t make the same mistakes I did. You are smarter and more focused than I was at your age.”
“I’m worthless,” I admit, all the fight leaving me as nausea washes over me in heady waves. “No one wants me. Everyone is destined to leave me or push me away. You guys took me in out of pity. You don’t really care for me. I’m a way to assuage your guilt. Nothing more. So just leave it alone. Nothing any of you can say will ever make me believe otherwise.”
My gaze bounces between them, and I feel numb inside, which is weird because I’m a giant mass of pain. Every cell in my body is drowning under the torrent of anguish obliterating me from the inside out.
I want it to stop.
All of it.
“You know I’m right, so let me accelerate this next part of the process,” I say before I jerk to the side and puke my guts up all over the ruined memorial garden.