I want to say fuck God, but that won’t offer her any comfort, so I clamp my mouth shut.
“I’m going to turn it into a reading room, because I can’t bear to paint over that mural. Not when it’s one of the last things Easton and Reeve did together.”
“You should totally keep it, and I think this room would make a great reading room. It has a nice window, perfect for a window seat, and you could fill that back wall with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Jamie and I could build them if you want? Easton could help.”
She bursts out crying, and I pull her into my arms, hoping it’s the right move. She collapses against me, and I dot kisses in her hair as she cries against my chest, clutching my shirt. “I love you,” she says, and hope swells inside me. “I shouldn’t, but I do.” She lifts her head, piercing me with tear-soaked eyes. “I have loved you all this time, Dillon. I never stopped. I was a terrible wife.”
“That isn’t even remotely possible. You were an amazing wife.”
“But was I?” she whispers before hiccupping again. “I mean, I really loved Reeve. Truly, madly, deeply. He made me happy, but I loved you too. And I never compared you because you both held an equal share of my heart. It didn’t stop me from feeling guilty though. It’s hard loving two men at the same time. Some nights, when I couldn’t sleep, I would sneak to the sunroom and listen to your songs. I have all your albums on my cell, in a hidden folder, so Reeve wouldn’t find them. I love your music.” A scowl mars her pretty face. “When you’re not singing about hating me.”
I open my mouth to remind her of our previous conversation on the topic, but she continues, and I shove the comment back down my throat, letting her get whatever she needs to off her chest. Her thoughts are veering all over the place, and I’m guessing her emotions are too.
“You’re super talented. And I love listening to your voice. It lulled me to sleep on difficult nights. When I really wanted to torture myself, I would watch the wedding video clip of you singing ‘Terrify Me.’ That always made me cry.” She bursts into floods of tears again, and I wonder if I should try to get her to her bedroom or let her continue purging her thoughts.
The egotistical part of my personality keeps my butt planted right where it is. I want to know what else she’s going to say. They say the truth comes out when you’re drunk, and I’ve been starved of Viv’s truths for years, so sue me if I’m being selfish.
She cries into my shirt, plastering it to my skin, and I rock her gently in my arms, holding her close. “I spent years thinking you hated me and that I was the biggest fool for still loving you even though I loved Reeve too. But I couldn’t stop it, Dil. I couldn’t make it stop.”
“I can relate to that. Not a single day went by where you weren’t on my mind.”
“We were good together. I didn’t imagine that, right?”
“We’re epic, sweetheart, and everything was real. Everythingisreal.”
“I think I was always destined to love you, Dillon. Have you thought about how things might’ve been if that dickhead Simon hadn’t given you away?”
“I’ve wondered what my life would’ve been like if he’d given Reeve away instead of me,” I truthfully reply.
“Would we have loved each other from the time we were kids?”
“Of course, we would have. There is no measure of time or distance where I wouldn’t be in love with you, Vivien. I was in love with you before I even met you. I know things got fucked up, but I truly believe I was waiting for you to walk into my life and make sense of the chaos in my head. It was always you. It will always be you. There will never be any other love for me. Wearelike swans.” An idea pops into my head. “We should totally build a lake and get swans.”
She bursts out laughing, and my chest swells with pride that I can make her laugh when she’s so upset.
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy about you.”
“I like romantic Dillon,” she murmurs, and I press a fierce kiss to her brow.
“You bring out the best in me, Viv. You always have. My family saw it way before I did.”
“I love your family.” A whimsical look materializes on her face. “They are awesome.”
“They are pretty great.” Even after everything I put them through and how much I disappointed them, they don’t bear any grudges.
I’ve made more of an effort to speak to my parents and Shane and Ciarán, on a regular basis, letting them know how grateful I am for their forgiveness. Ma can’t wait to meet Easton. I was going to fly them over for a visit, but I don’t want to confuse my son by bringing more people into his life or invite questions I can’t answer yet.
“You were the lucky one, Dil.” She slurs her words a little and her vision looks unfocused. “Trust me, you were. You have an amazing family. I love them. Did I ever tell you that? I love your family like they’re my own.”
“That’s because they are.” Or they officially will be, if I have my way.
“I love them, and they love you sooooo much. Reeve constantly fought for Simon’s affection, but he had none to give.”
“He was a cold fucker.” I grit my teeth, unwilling to go down that road right now. I have let go of the resentment I had toward my twin, but I will never forgive Simon Lancaster or forget what he did.
“If you’d come home with Reeve, we would all have been friends.” She peers deep into my eyes. “Don’t you see? I was always destined to love both of you.”