“There is nothing wrong with seeking pleasure. You needed the release.”
She twists in my arms, pinning me with the saddest eyes. “I’m so selfish. I was lying here in bed, thinking about you. Thinking about how you always made me feel so fucking good, and I went to you looking for that. How could I do that?”
“Shush, honey.” I clasp her against my chest, running one hand over her hair and the other up and down her back. “Stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve been through hell, and it’s okay to take this for yourself. Especially today.”
“But that’s it!” Tears stream down her face. “How could I let you do that to me today of all days? I should be in the delivery room right now with Reeve, holding Lainey. If the accident hadn’t happened, that is where I would be.”
I brush wispy strands of hair off her face. “I’m sorry you’re not there, Viv. I know how much you wish you were. You’re hurting, and there is nothing wrong with letting me comfort you.”
She cries into my chest, and silent tears leak out of my eyes. I hate this. For her. For me. For us. “I’m so sad, Dillon,” she mumbles against my skin. “So sad and lonely, and I feel like this pain will never end.”
I hold her tighter. “It will get better, and I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You’ve got it.”
* * *
I wake the following morning to an empty bed with only the scent of Viv lingering on the sheets beside me. “Uncle Dillon!” East charges into the room, wearing a T-shirt and shorts and the widest smile on his face. He jumps on top of me, hugging me to death. “Thank you for my room! It’s awesome!”
Discreetly, I adjust my morning wood before sitting up with him draped all over me. “I’m happy you like it.”
“I love my treehouse. Do you think my friend Nash could come over and see it?”
“Sure. But we’ll have to check with your mom and his. Maybe we could arrange it one afternoon after you go back to school.” That gives me a couple of weeks to work on Viv.
“Easton. Come on. We’ve got to go,” Viv says, and I look up.
She’s leaning against the door frame, wearing a blue summer dress I know belongs to my sister. It’s way shorter on Viv’s taller frame, and the hem hits mid-thigh, offering me a tantalizing glimpse of smooth toned skin I’ve been recently reacquainted with. From the strained look on Viv’s face, I’m betting that’s the last time I’ll be getting close to any part of her body.
“Why don’t you stay for breakfast? There’s no need to rush off.” I really want to talk to her about this in the cold light of day. I know Viv, and she’s going to beat herself up for last night if I can’t get through to her.
“I have things to do,” she lies, avoiding eye contact with me.
East crawls off my lap, pouting as he says, “I want to stay.”
“It’s not possible.” She jerks her chin up. “Now, come on. I have everything packed in the trunk. It’s time to go home.”
“I’m not going.” Easton stands, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s boring at home. I like it here.”
“I’m your mother, and you don’t get to make these decisions. Don’t disobey me, Easton. Thank Dillon for having a nice time and let’s go.”
He shakes his head before turning pleading eyes on me. “Can I stay with you? Mommy can go home, and we can play.”
I would love nothing more, but I know Viv wouldn’t be okay with that, and I won’t usurp her authority. “Come here.” I call him over to me, looking into his eyes. “I will come to see you in a few days, but you’ve got to go home with your mommy now. She’s the boss, buddy.”
“She’s mean. I don’t want to go home to my boring house and my boring mommy. I want to stay here with you and Auntie Ash and Uncle Jamie.”
I know he’s sulking, and he doesn’t mean it, but he can’t speak to Vivien like that. “That’s enough, Easton. You won’t speak to or about your mother like that. Do you hear me?” I stand, hoping he doesn’t notice my semi, and take his hand. “You need to do what your mommy says.” I look down at him. “Always respect your mother. She loves you, and she knows what’s best.”
“You’re mean too.” He yanks his hand from mine, stomping past Vivien and out to the hallway.
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
She shakes her head. “I’ll have a chat with him when we get home.”
“We should talk before you go.” I hold Viv’s arm as she moves to go after him.
“There isn’t anything left to say.”
“C’mon, Viv. You know we need to hash this out.”
She wrestles out of my hold, stabbing me with those beautiful hazel eyes. “Last night never happened. It was a mistake. A mistake I won’t be making again.”
Her words hurt, but I’m guessing that’s the intent. My natural inclination is to argue, but I’m trying to put her needs above my own. It takes considerable effort to speak calmly, but I do it. For her. “Pretend it didn’t happen if that helps, but I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to face up to it.”