Pride swells my chest as I scan the room. It turned out better than I expected. “I know he loves nature and animals and the outdoors, so I wanted to incorporate that in the design. I had a guy come in to build the tree and the treehouse, and Ash found this super talented artist who drew the murals, but I did the rest myself. Jamie helped me to make the bed.”
Her mouth hangs open. “You made that bed?”
A genuine smile ghosts over my lips. “Jamie and I did woodwork for our Leaving Cert. It was the only subject I enjoyed in school. I got a kick out of making it for him.”
Her chest heaves, and she blinks back tears. “You did an amazing job. It’s stunning, and he’s going to love it.”
Warmth spreads across my chest at her words. I was afraid she might go nuts at me for being so presumptuous. Truth is, I can’t wait for Easton to have sleepovers.
Viv pulls the door over, not fully closing it. The dim glow from the lightning-bug lamp by East’s bed ensures he’s not in complete darkness should he wake up and be scared. I purposely put Viv’s room beside his so she’s close by if he stirs during the night.
“Thank you for today,” she quietly says.
“It’s been my pleasure. I’ve loved having both of you here.” Before I can stop myself, I’m twirling a strand of her hair around my finger. “You know I’d do anything for you. If I could absorb your pain and take it away from you, I would.”
“I’m at war with myself so much recently,” she admits, staring deep into my eyes.
I’m immediately hypnotized in a way only Vivien has ever been able to do. Her face just calls to me. Everything about her does. I drown in her gorgeous hazel eyes, swimming in the goodness I always find there. It’s like being sucker punched in the heart and the dick at the same time. God, I love her. I love her so much, and I want her so badly. “Why?” I croak, finally managing to find words.
“Because you make me feel things, Dillon. You always have.”
I lean closer, winding my hands in her hair as I tilt her face up. “There is nothing wrong with that, Viv, and you know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
“How can something feel so right yet so wrong too?” She almost chokes on the words, and I see the torment ravishing her beautiful face.
“There is no rule book for the things you’ve endured and no one-size-fits-all model for dealing with grief and moving forward.” I rest my forehead against hers. “Just be true to yourself. Do what feels right for you.”
“I’m scared, Dil,” she whispers, staring into my eyes. “I’m scared if I move on I’ll forget him.”
“I won’t let you.” The irony of that promise isn’t lost on me, but I mean it sincerely. I know how much she loved Reeve, and I would never ask her to forget the past she’s shared with him. I realize how far I’ve come. How much Dr. Howard is helping me to process my feelings.
“Do you really mean that?” she asks, clutching my waist.
“I do.” As much as I don’t want to pull away from her, I need her to see my face, to believe this truth. I lift my head, putting a little distance between us as I cradle her cheek in my palm. “Reeve has been an enormous part of your life. You loved him, and no one can take that away from you. Least of all me. I’m just hoping there’s room left for me. That you can get to a place where we can move forward, together. I want your future, Viv, but I will never let you forget your past. I will help you to remember him because him loving you has helped to shape the woman you are today. I happen to love that woman very much.”
“So much for friends.” She narrows her eyes, but the gesture is lighthearted.
“I’m still your friend, Viv, but let’s be honest. Our connection is too explosive to ever let us be just friends.”
“You have matured so much, Dillon.”
“You aren’t the only one impacted by his death. It has forced me to face things I’ve been ignoring for years.”
“I want to move on, but it’s too soon. If we ever get on the same page, I want it to be a fresh start, where there is no guilt or feelings of betrayal coming between us.” She slides out from underneath me. “That day hasn’t arrived yet.”
“It’s okay,” I semi-lie, shoving my hands in the pockets of my shorts. “I understand. Take whatever time you need. I’m going nowhere.”
We return to the others, staying outside chatting and drinking until it turns dark. When we move inside, Jamie and I get our guitars while the girls go to check on East. Ro leaves to go back to his house despite us asking him to stay. My brother isn’t in a good place. He really loves Clo, and the breakup came completely out of the blue. He’s devastated, and I know what that feels like, so I don’t push him to stay.
We play a few songs, and I even coax Viv into singing.
“You should officially sing with the band someday,” Ash tells her. “Not like permanently, but you should record a song with them. That voice is way too beautiful to deny the world.”
“Yeah…no.” Viv kicks off her sandals, pulling her legs up onto the sofa beside me. “I hate the spotlight.” She shivers. “Even thinking about it gives me goose bumps.”
“We could always record something that’s just for us,” I say, taking a swig of beer as I set my guitar aside. “It could be fun. Think about it.”
She lies back, and I lift her feet onto my lap, massaging them without thinking about it. She used to love my foot rubs, and I was fond of bartering for sexual favors in return. Fun times. Slotting back into a regular pattern with Viv would be as easy as breathing for me.